From rapidsloth2: I just graduated high school this Wednesday. While that seems like a good accomplishment, my life has been going horribly othereise. There are so many things that I’ve wanted to do with my life, but it’s hit me that I’m in such a horrible position that I feel like I can’t do what I want with my life. While I should have been working hard at preparing for my future, high school has taught me how to half-ass my way through things. I’m 18 and I’m only just starting my first job in a day, so I have no money and no car. I should be starting college this fall, but that’s out of the picture now. I have had so much potential. I used to be in my school’s gifted program when I was younger but my half-ass work ethic stopped that. I’m smart but I just haven’t applied myself. I feel like an absolute waste of potential. I always dreamed of using my talents to do something that would leave the world a better place, but now I find myself struggling with my emotions about life day to day. This whole thing has spiraled me into a slump where I can’t even get myself up at the sound of my alarm anymore or follow a consistent routine in the morning. While I was still in school, I was getting myself ready in only a few minutes and then rushing out the door to get there on time. I was always turning in assignments late and couldn’t focus on anything that I was doing. I did horrible socially and only really made friends my junior and senior years. I’m in a constant state of feeling like no one really cares about me. I’ve struggled with my own self-image and gender identity, but have largely ignored it until it’s hit a breaking point. I feel like I’ll never be the person I want to be. I see other people and I’m always so jealous because they look how I want to and do what I want to do.
Friend
there can be a real wonderment in being able to reflect on your life so far and see where you think you have gone wrong, being honest and upfront with yourself about your strengths and weaknesses and how “if only” I had done that a little differently? At 18 when you are just leaving one huge part of your life behind and stepping into a new one is the perfect time to have such self-reflection, yes it can be scary, it can feel like we have years where we are put in class rooms and handed everything to us, all we ever had to do was listen and learn, that’s all! How many of us actually just do that? We make friends, we find our friends far more fun and interesting than listening and learning, we feel like we have forever to worry about the future, that is a lifetime away. Then it isn’t!
Congratulations for graduating, it doesn’t just seem like an accomplishment, it’s a big life accomplishment of which you should be proud, it is the first stepping stone into the next part of life.
Of course it is easy for me to sit here and say this, im a lot older than you, my school days were a very long time ago but this is why I know that not one bit of your potential has been wasted, not one of your dreams have been lost and your life really truly is not in ruins. This does not negate how you feel, its clear that you are struggling with your feelings and it is difficult trying to determine what to do with the rest of your life, wanting to do something you love whilst making a difference and not wanting to look back again thinking that you made mistakes, that is a huge bag of worries you are carrying around on your shoulders, its really ok to put them down and take a rest sometimes. The feeling of being overwhelmed by it all is clear, I did this wrong, I should have done that, I need to do this, I want to do that, I have wasted my life, I am a waste, why bother? The thoughts and pressures of worry and fears have taken their toll, it batters your self-esteem and makes you feel so worthless, that is a scary feeling. I understand what you mean when you say you look at others and see people that are positive, they know what they want, they have high self-esteem etc and you feel jealous, I too have done that a lot in my life, however one thing I have learned over recent years is that so many have their problems, they just hide it well, you are not alone friend, how you feel is important and you are worthy of the time and space to get any help you need prepare yourself for your next chapter, Your life isn’t over, it has just started and I have faith in you that you will do the things that matter to you, take your time, you do not have to do them all this week or this year, you have the rest of your life and as you move forward you are sure to gain in confidence too, the worries will ebb away and that load will lighten. Take a deep breath, lean on friends, family and us and anything is possible. Much Love Lisa. X
Hello rapidsloth2,
This post kinda hits close to home, cuz when I was 18, I was in the exact same boat as you. I definitely half-assed my way through high school. I was “the smart kid” and I was not social at all. Made fun of a lot, slacked in school, but it wasn’t cuz I was dumb. It was part boredom, part feeling stuck. I didn’t learn the things I was TRULY passionate about. I didn’t want to go through the motions. I wanted to be free to do what I wanted.
I really wish I had the realization you did at your age. You’re about to hit a turning point in your life. A life that YOU can make yourself. Honestly, it doesn’t matter what other people do. You should be you. Be your rapidsloth2 self. Enjoy what you want to, experience everything you want to experience. It’s much better to try new things and experiences and not succeed then to not do it and wonder what could have been. I always say “I’d rather go 57 out of 100 than 5 out of 5”. Because from those experiences you learn so much, no mattter the outcome.
You’ve already learned a lot, not just when it comes to book smarts, but when it comes to street smarts. People may care, even if they don’t say it. I can tell you we care, that’s for sure. Now’s your time to make a name for yourself. You’ve got this friend. <3
Hi rapidsloth2,
Thank you for sharing how you have been feeling. I want to take a moment to congratulate you on your graduation from high school and also on starting your first job!!! I hope your first few days have gone well and that you like the job and are adjusting okay.
I understand how you are feeling right now. I’ve felt this way before, and I still do sometimes if I’m being honest. I know where you are at right now in life might not be where you thought you’d be or where others thought you’d be, and I get that can be hard to swallow and can even feel disappointing. However, as cliche as this might sound, you still have plenty of time to change your story my friend. You still have potential, you have not wasted it. You can still pursue and achieve your dreams of bettering the world in some way. Every person has their own journey to walk in this life (some journey’s erupt in quick burst of flames while others have more of a slower burn - but BOTH fires burn equally bright!). It’s okay to be unsure of things, or to feel confused, it is okay to not have life all figured out. You are allowed to take the time that you need and to go at your own pace to figure it all out - what you want to do, what your passions are, what you enjoy, who you are, etc.
For encouragement, I got a late start on things in my life. I was a talented and gifted child graduated at 16, had all these plans for what I would do. And one day it all came crumbling down. I lost my motivation, I lost hope, I lost everything. I had to work with my therapists and get my mental health in a good place. At 21 I was able to get my first job. At 24 I was able to start post secondary schooling. And I’m now taking things day by day to get closer and closer to achieving my goals and dreams. I tell you this to hopefully encourage you that you can start chasing your dreams at any time. Other people do not have the same life as you, the same experiences, the same obstacles. So to compare yourself to them will only steal more of your joy and make you even less content/pleased with your life. And remember we never really know what other people are going through, dealing with behind closed doors. They tend to only show us the happy snippets of success. So you compare yourself to pieces of other people’s story and it’s unfair to yourself to do so.
I’m wishing you the best! I believe in you! I’m rooting for you! And I know that one day your dreams will be a reality. You have potential. What has happened has not been a waste but a learning experience that you can grow from. You are cared for! And you can become the person that you want to be! 
Hi there,
Thank you for sharing. I relate a lot with what you’ve shared. The age of 18 can feel pressuring when we have to make big decisions. And starting your first job is a great start to be more independent and to invest in your future. Even though it feels like there is not enough time, well there is enough time and we don’t have a due date for our skills and intelligence, your intelligence will be valuable even if you will apply a bit later for what you wish. You are not a waste of potential.
If it feels overwhelming, try to take things slow. You said that you always dreamed of using your talents, then don’t let that dream die, maybe life would be a bit brighter if you would use your talents to express your emotions, and who knows who would need your inspiration also.
It sounds that you had a hard time with a routine and assignments, but maybe your mind and body were trying to tell you something, that maybe you need more rest and to do things that you enjoy.
I understand that having friends from not the same age as you might not be as pleasant, but friendships don’t really have a rule in age, if there is a connection and you have similar interests, than it shouldn’t be an obstacle.
We are our own critiques, and sometimes we need to be more gentle with ourselves with this being said, you can be the person you want to be. Maybe it will take some time and work, but you can get there. And we are all different, so our stories might not be the same as others, but for sure we can shine in our own way. You can shine in your own way and at your own time.
I hope it helps a bit.
Best regard.