Life in ruins; just lost my last hope

From rapidsloth2: I just graduated high school this Wednesday. While that seems like a good accomplishment, my life has been going horribly othereise. There are so many things that I’ve wanted to do with my life, but it’s hit me that I’m in such a horrible position that I feel like I can’t do what I want with my life. While I should have been working hard at preparing for my future, high school has taught me how to half-ass my way through things. I’m 18 and I’m only just starting my first job in a day, so I have no money and no car. I should be starting college this fall, but that’s out of the picture now. I have had so much potential. I used to be in my school’s gifted program when I was younger but my half-ass work ethic stopped that. I’m smart but I just haven’t applied myself. I feel like an absolute waste of potential. I always dreamed of using my talents to do something that would leave the world a better place, but now I find myself struggling with my emotions about life day to day. This whole thing has spiraled me into a slump where I can’t even get myself up at the sound of my alarm anymore or follow a consistent routine in the morning. While I was still in school, I was getting myself ready in only a few minutes and then rushing out the door to get there on time. I was always turning in assignments late and couldn’t focus on anything that I was doing. I did horrible socially and only really made friends my junior and senior years. I’m in a constant state of feeling like no one really cares about me. I’ve struggled with my own self-image and gender identity, but have largely ignored it until it’s hit a breaking point. I feel like I’ll never be the person I want to be. I see other people and I’m always so jealous because they look how I want to and do what I want to do.

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