(Heads up putting a trigger warning right here just in case)
As my title says , Life could be a painted picture. You will have happy paintings, paintings that tell a story that’s mediocre but also there will be a picture that has been painted in a sad demeanor. Everyone will have their struggles/battles .
Some even do it into music . Like those sad break up songs or those songs artists do about their mental health .
As this may not be me struggling right now but this is something i brought up in a community since it was the topic of choice , Mental health. It was one of those , my heart hurts to hear ones story cause i know they are not alone . and i know i am not alone .
ive struggled with mental health for so long . 5 years about ish , so far . i made it 3 years 4 months clean from self harm . Yeah my depressive thoughts will happen here and there when its triggered .
As far as i could know , my parents divorced in 2010 2 years after we moved . i remember seeing this dude for some reason , he dealt with custody things . split custody . i remember talking to him , and not talking about a new plan . i remember leaving and the dude didnt let me leave with my mom so both my dad and the dude grabbed me by the arms and carried me into my dads car after i had a break down . they wouldnt let my mom leave untill i was in my dads car. With in the next day my mom appologized . we called the dude . told him he was fired from doing with the split custody stuff (dont know the right terms ) … then i remember one time stuffed happened at my dads apartment and i was grabbed by someone by the arm and out of the house . we ended up in a safe house that day till i dont know when … Fast forward to years later mental health became a thing . i was able to be clean then i ended up relapsing a couple times . then when it came to freshman year of high school or my sophomore year i relapsed again due to , yelling and my dads girlfriend … i remember one year depression got bad when i wanted to hang myself when i attempted which that was 3 years ago around April . With what all has happened . Yelling , my shoulders/upper back being touched, etc … its an easy way for me to either feel uncomfortable or even me to go into a downhill spiral . Stress, depression , anxiety ,Selfharm …thats all i deal with and its off and on . a constant battle . Yesterday , today , tomorrow i will choose to continue to fight no matter how bad a day it is …
Something i want to add to this post is something that was put in a video by one of my favorite bands . These words we all think on our daily basis.
“What defines us ?..
Our choices? our looks ? our feelings?
If i feel like im nothing is it true?
Some days i look in the mirror and i want to cry.
I think of all the mistakes i made , all the people I’ve hurt.
All the times I’ve failed.
Am i a mistake?
If i accomplish my goals will that make me better?
if i loose the weight will that make me beautiful?
If i changed everything , will i finally be worth it?” - You’re Worth it : Cimorelli
Line 1: I feel like we have our own things that defines us . self images , our struggles , our ideal goals in life . What are idea is of what we want to be . what we choose in as our jobs. We are stuck at points giving ourselves these negative things in our life when it comes to depression . we think all these things . we mentally beat ourselves up because we want to be a certain someone , we want to look a certain way just to impress people because we think they wont like us just because I’m this or that . which isn’t true . Life can be tricky and hard but we just got to choose which direction to head into .
Line 2: Just because if you feel like your nothing it doesn’t make it true. YOU are something you are human .
Line 3: Body image is something we may struggle with . we have this ideal weight , this ideal goal to be at as of weight .NO matter how much you weigh as a person . YOU are beautiful.
Line 4: just because you make mistakes , those mistakes are there for you to learn . for you to become better person and change to become better. You may hurt people now because of your actions or mental health, make a health change for the better. You can always apologize to them and let them know you are struggling/were struggling at the time
Line 5: You may fail but you got to keep up you got to keep fighting . IT IS OKAY TO FAIL . you just got to learn from it.
Line 6: YOU ARE NOT A MISTAKE. YOU ARE HUMAN!!! just because you make a mistake now , that doesn’t make you one. Life is filled with ups and downs .
Line 7: We have goals in our life we don’t have to reach all of them . We do our best to do what we can do . Just because you mess up 1 GOAL doesn’t mean your going to mess the others up. accidents happen and its okay.
Line 8: Weight shouldn’t determine your beauty or self worth . We were created for a reason . US HUMANS were created for a reason . We are all beautiful in the outside and inside .
Line 9: STOP SELF DOUBTING . YOU right now . you are so worth everything . Just because you struggle doesn’t make you less of a person . We choose to reach out because we know something isn’t right . we all choose to write here because we want to become better and healthier human beings. Just because you have a bad day , it doesn’t mean tomorrow will be a bad day . Tomorrow is tomorrow but tomorrow isn’t yesterday . Treat tomorrow as its a new day . A new day to become a better you . WE love you for you!
Hold Fast You’re worth it!