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Life is hard

Life is so hard right now and I just don’t want anything to do with anyone. I just want to fall asleep and never wake up.
My brother was on his motorcycle a month and a half ago and was hit head on by a drunk driver in a ute. He died on the way to the hospital. I try so hard to let it go and move on but I sit and cry when no ones watching. Im trying to be strong for my two year old son and partner but I find myself getting angry at anyone and everyone for little to no reason. I’m already on prozac but I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know if there is anything I can do anymore. Probably not. I don’t know why I’m even writing this, it’s not like anyone could say anything that will even help me, I guess I just wanted to say it out loud, I guess. I dont have any friends really. And when I do talk about it, I just cry and nothing actually comes of it. I don’t know.

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I am so sorry for your loss. It must have been a shock to lose him so suddenly and in such a way. You are right in the fact that I probably can’t say anything that will make you feel better. That will come with time.

You lost your brother a month and a half ago, and it probably feels like yesterday and a hundred years ago all at the same time. I agree that life is hard, and I think you are being too hard on yourself, thinking that you should be getting over his loss already. It’s only been a month and a half. That’s not long at all. I’m glad you’re being strong for your son, and I know society and our jobs want us to get over life changing events within a week or two, but the reality is that it hurts, and it hurts for a long time. Grief doesn’t have a time limit. You need to give yourself time to grieve, and give yourself time for some healing. I don’t think the pain will ever go away completely, but it will get better with time.

I want you to do something for yourself. I want you to be lenient with yourself. I want you to feel some compassion for yourself. I want you to grieve as much as you need to, for as long as you need to.

I don’t know what you believe in, but I completely believe that our loved ones can hear us from the other side, and I think you should (try to) talk to your brother as often as you feel you need to. If you don’t want to talk to him, then talk to your partner, or start a journal or a blog, or post on here again. Anything that you think will be a help to you.

I feel that it’s completely understandable that you’re angry and sad and depressed and there’s probably a million other emotions because of your loss and the way it happened. If you find yourself becoming more angry as time goes on, if you find that you scare yourself or someone else because of that; if you find that you’re not healing at all; if you feel like you can’t do it anymore for yourself or your little one, then please find someone who can give you the tools to help you start to heal.

:hearts:

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So sorry to hear about your brother, Kitty (?)

If it helps, I lost my 19 year old cat about seven seeks ago and I have some days where I just cry and shake - I don’t even know how I should feel, or what I should be thinking…

I’ve also lost people too, albeit not in car accidents (although some of our more distant family in Canada lost their grandparents in a head-on collusion in the middle of nowhere)…

I always say, it’s Catch-22 with Bereavement/Death of another:

  1. If it happens very suddenly, or distant from you, you have no time to say goodbye or tell them how much you love them;

  2. If it happens slowly, i.e, they die slowly of Cancer, or Heart Disease, or similar, or some other Terminal Illness, then you are likely to watch them slowly die, see their suffering and anguish and yet be - usually - powerless to stop them dying.

  3. If they die of Old Age - ideally in their sleep - it’s a lot easier to come to terms with, even if you still miss them very much.

You fall into the 1. Category above, so all I will say for now is that your brother wouldn’t have know what hit him (*I realise that is a cliche phrase wrongly used elsewhere, but it the most accurate phrasing I could think of), so he actually was probably unconscious. In other words, the accident is terrible and very unfair and drunk drivers should go to jail and never be allowed to drive again (punishment and detterent). However, your brother almost certainly suffered very little. In fact, I would put money on the fact that YOU are suffering more now than he ever did, after that short period of time between his accident and him dying in the ambulance. You can’t do anything more for your brother now. He is at Peace. No pain, no anxiety, no sorrow. That, very sadly, is now yours’ and your family and his close friends’ burden to bear…

Anyway, make that burden a little lighter, by continuing to share with us about it all.

Love in Mutual Grief and Heartache

Adrian
x

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