Life is meaningless!

Today I sat down and I was thinking why am I here? I have two siblings both of which are handsome and beautiful I am like the ugly duck, all I’m “blessed” with is my intellect in other words I am the nerd, If my sister were to die we would suffer because she is the bread winner, my brother has a family of his own if he were to die his family would suffer but my death is like a drop in the ocean, nothing would happen if I would besides the tears everyone would be alright. I am obviously not handsome hack I’ve been rejected by every girl I approached besides life is so confusing for example I once asked a girl out… like to be my girlfriend and she said she said she had a boyfriend but my friend who’s has almost zero respect for women and views them as sex objects, and does not care about his academic life (views it as a waste of time) and she forget that she “had a boyfriend” and said yes to such a guy… Is that what women/girls want a “bad boy” because I tried to be like him and I just felt… Disgusted at myself… I know this is a stupid reason for one to commit suicide but all these rejection have left me in depression even studying has become difficult, knowledge has become meaningless I can’t help but think “What if I die alone?” who the hell will accept a goody two shoes like me even if they do how will I know they love me for me and not for my money… Come to think of it you don’t need a manual to die hack all I need is a blade ,ropes, sleeping pills, or even rat poison… But I don’t know how to live, living is so difficult

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Hey bud!
I don’t know why your looks are bothering you, but if you feel that way you’re just surrounded by people who judge you for the wrong reasons. People who act like that aren’t really mature enough to see how stupid and disgusting their decisions are, and tend to try and pressure others to follow their really retarded way of thinking. There’s nothing wrong with you bud, if anything you’re amazing for not being like the people they pressure you to be. And you’re brave for opening up about it. Please do not see your looks as a reason to die, it’s far from the most important things in life, because when your older and everyone matures you will find that they only care about the person living inside that body. And if you’re still around people like that, that means you need to move somewhere else, because those aren’t people. Please surround yourself with people who see you for who you are. Also idk why you think being a nerd is bad, that means you’re smart, and you have a better capability of getting a good career or college in your future. Don’t be ashamed of being a intelligent person, embrace it!
I’m sorry you feel that way about yourself, but worth isn’t always measured in what others see you as, it’s also how you see yourself. Have more love for yourself, you’re important too friend.
I hope you can see how important you are.
-X

There is nothing wrong with you if anything happened to you a lot of people including everyone on here would be very upset. You just gotta surround yourself with the right people. There isn’t anything wrong with you and there is no reason to be ashamed of the person you are.

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Hey Hoffman,

Yeah that’s incredibly rough to go through. The weight of this rejection just adds up and leaves you feeling completely unloved and unlovable. It makes you feel like you don’t have value and start to question whether you’ll always feel like this; whether you will always be alone, whether life even has a purpose. That’s a lot of really big and difficult questions to have racing round your head at night. Life must feel so confusing, difficult and painful; it’s easy to wonder what the point of continuing to live even is, and that’s a really horrible place to be in.

Rejection and comparison really does suck. It can make us feel like we’re not good enough and that we’ll never be good enough. It robs us of being able to see our own value, talents and positive traits, and to only focus on the pain of how someone we like doesn’t like us in the same way. And that pain cuts deep, and it okay to feel that pain and for it to hurt so much. But don’t let it trick you into thinking that you’re worthless or have nothing to offer. You have so much to offer. Your life has meaning and purpose even if it doesn’t feel like that right now. Don’t underestimate the amount that people value you and love you, we don’t always see it, but know that you are loved. You are treasured and precious.

I also think it’s worth mentioning that people change quite a lot as you go through life. A lot of people when they’re younger tend to chase excitement, anything that’s a bit dangerous and uncertain, anything that will give them adrenaline and a rush. It’s part of the reason why a lot of people are attracted to a ‘bad boy/girl’ in their late teens/early adulthood. As people grow and mature, they tend to want and look for different things. They want someone who values them, who seeks to understand them, who loves them no matter what, who stirs them on in what they’re passionate about and they can depend on to be there. You seem like someone who is pretty mature. Don’t lose faith that no one will ever like you that way just because the people in your life aren’t like that, it just means they’re probably not the right people for you. But there are others, who like you are figuring out more about themselves and what they want from life, people you can relate to and who value you as you value them. Don’t your past and present situation dictate what the future has to be, your future is wide open.

Life can feel so overwhelming when everything hurts. I don’t know all of what you’re going through or the depths of you pain right now. But I do know what it’s like to want to end it all, to feel like there’s no other option and that it’s the only thing that makes sense. It’s a horrible place to be and it feels impossible to see any sort of light when you’re trapped there. But that doesn’t mean this will last forever. All things come to pass, this too shall pass. Maybe not right away, maybe not even soon or quickly, but someday. Things can get better. Things can change.

You don’t have to do that alone either. They’re are people here that care about you and love you, and want the best for you. We’re always here to listen and to support you.

You’re amazing and have such a wisdom and maturity about you. It’s clear that you care about others and have so much to offer. You have a future. You’re life has purpose. You are loved.

Always if you want to talk.

Hold fast, we believe in you.

With love and care,

-Nathanael

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