It’s been a really long time since I’ve been here. I feel incredibly lost and I don’t know where to go anymore.
In August, my partner of three years broke up with me. It hurts a lot even still, but I know it was the right decision. We both need time to focus on our own mental health. We’re still on good terms as far as I can tell, and I’ve still never loved anyone as hard as I love them.
In early October, one of my friends unexpectedly passed away. She didn’t tell anyone she started using oxy again, used alone, and died. We think it was either laced with fentanyl or she just accidentally took too much. We know she wasn’t trying to kill herself, which somehow makes it worse.
On Monday I found out that my aunt and uncle were hit by a drunk driver while doing a charity motorcycle ride and they both passed away.
Yesterday on the way to a concert (Evanescence and Halestorm, absolutely amazing) I spun out on an icy patch on the highway. The side airbags were deployed and the car had to be towed. At one point I was facing the wrong way on the highway, right into oncoming traffic.
I’m graduating in literally 2 weeks. Tomorrow I have to give two presentations that I haven’t even started, and I have an exam which I’ve done none of the homework in this unit.
Also my dog is 16 and his health is really beginning to decline. I don’t know if he’ll make it to the end of the year. I’ve never lost a pet before.
I relapsed a couple weeks ago but started new meds and I think they’re helping, but I’m pretty much expecting to be suicidal again right after I graduate. I don’t know what to do with my life. I need help, and I’m so, so tired.
this is a lot to process, and it’s no surprise that you’re feeling soo many things! Losing a pet is terrible. Try to be there with them at the end if you can. I always say it’s years and years of love and companionship, and the greatest joys and then one really really terrible day. But they’d want you to go on, and they would want you to know that the years together made you so strong that you can survive this.
I hope the new meds help you.
Also can you work with an academic advisor or counselor to help you formulate a plan for what happens after? If you study further, or get a job, or if you’re gonna focus on skills training or what?
Having a plan of what to do can help, by breaking up the large unknown into small bits that you can tackle. Do you have a support system? friends or family you can talk with about how you’re feeling?
We’re here for you, and we’re here to listen and support you. Thanks for being here with us!
A bittersweet welcome back to you, Sophicspider. This probably will sound obvious but try to focus on one thing at a time. Can you try and work on/start the two presentations? Or like Sita said, you could work with your advisor/counsellor and let them know how much is happening and that this workload is stressing you out way too much. If I’m correct, you can also ask them for a few days away to sort things out?
I’m glad the new meds are making an improvement. You are so strong to be able to handle all of these hits as well as you are, and you’ve been standing for so long. And even so, it’s not weak to crumble under them. Of course it isn’t. Also like Sita said, we are here for you. We’ll do the best we can to give you advice and help.
Again, if I’m right, after you graduate will there be holidays or some sort of break? You can take a step back and slowly sort through things then, maybe.
From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ (Discord)
Hi @sophicspider I’m so sorry that you’re having all this hit at once, I’m wondering if you’ve thought about finding some talk therapy? It might be good to talk all this out with someone who could give you tools to cope better. I was also going to ask how your presentations went? I hope it went well! ~Mystrose
From: Lisalovesfeathers (Discord)
Hey Friend, Oh my Goodness, you have been through so very much haven’t you? I am dreadfully sorry for the loss of your Aunt, Uncle and your Friend, that is such a massive loss and something that is going to take time and work to come to terms with, they were all sudden and shocking. Have you thought about going to see a therapist about this? They will also help with all of the issues you have spoken of. I am sorry too that your relationship is in a difficult place but it sounds like you have both handled it very very well, you have both acted maturely by staying friends and keeping things amicable and that always leaves things open and hopeful for the future. As for your work, by now you will have done your presentations, I do hope they went well for you, I think you should be proud that you have even managed to keep up with work with all you have been through, you are stronger than you know. I am not surprised you are tired though, please go and talk to someone, ask for help and start to take care of yourself more. One last thing, Your lovely Doggy. You have loved your dog for 16 years, he has been so lucky to have you and you to have him, make memories with him and just continue to love him for as long as you can. xxxx
From: SuchBlue (Discord)
Hi sophicspider, I really hope that you were able to finish at least those presentations and managed to make your way through those. It is very concerning to me that you are already planning on being suicidal and you should definitely look for a therapist about that. It is okay to feel like this and it’s understandable. You’ve went through a breakup, one of your friends unexpectedly dying, your aunt and uncle both dying, being in a car accident, it’s definitely a lot. Focus on your exams, homework, and graduating, and we’ll see from there. You can do this SuchBlue
Hi all, thank you for the responses. A weekend update - I spent all of Thursday trying to gather my wits. I didn’t finish either of my presentations nor did I go to class. I did go to crisis counseling and talked to someone. I am currently in therapy and I have been most of the semester, but I’ll have to find a new therapist soon because I’m graduating. I did reach out to my professors already (one actually reached out to me) and I have the beginnings of a plan with two of them. I planned to spend today getting lots of things done, but instead I’ve been paralyzed and haven’t accomplished anything yet again. I know everything will work out in regards to school somehow, but it’s such a huge weight on my shoulders that I CAN do something about but it’s like my brain won’t let me because everything is just too much.
Yes your health is priority - the school stuff is way lower on the list. Nobody could focus on school with so many tragic events weighing on their shoulders. I am glad to hear you had crisis counselling. You need people who love and care about you to support and listen to your feelings. We are proud of your bravery to share your pain with us.
Keep your health and self-care a priority. We are here for you in the HS community.