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Life on lifes terms


#1

I know this is a safe place and I just need a place to vent because the more I talk about things the better it feels. A couple of weeks ago two of my friends had a break up and it feels it feels like 12 year old me when my parents got divorced. It feel like I have to pick sides and having to hide that I talk to the other. This past weekend a wave of depression hit and I found out that a good friend of mine relapsed and for some reason this time hit me really hard but I was at least with friends in recovery who talked me through some things. I kept talking and reaching out and got some acceptance over things and I was doing better. My medication for my depression and anxiety was running out so I went to get a refill Tuesday night but my doctor never sent it over. I called that night but they were already closed and the message said call back during working hours. I used the last of my medication today and called left a message after a few hours of no response I called again to find out my doctor is off and I have to wait till tomorrow for him to send it over. I forgot my medication once before and that was a tough day and I’m super nervous how tomorrow is going to go. I messaged my therapist and got good advice but still nervous especially with tomorrow being Valentine’s day. That day has always been tough for me my last relationship ended when I was 18 I’m 27 now. I believe I’m ready for a relationship like things have been really good I have been putting a ton of work into myself. I’m much more outgoing, I have come out of my shell so much. I actually have friends now that I have no problem reaching out to. I have gotten way better with self image. I’m really doing great like I’m achieving things that were a dream for so long. I’m just ready for that special someone. I really don’t know how to put what I’m feeling into words right now. Every girl that I think is cute is always in a relationship. I have tried dating sites but I never get any likes even when I put up a picture of myself I really like. That just takes me back to square one on the self image issues like am I that terrible looking. I always get compliments on the way I look by my female friends who are in relationships but never by anyone single. I do well when I’m not looking for someone and enjoying life but when I start looking and constantly fine nobody is when I fail. I know the right person will come and not to force it but this day is like added pressure. I feel like I put to many filters by being in recovery and being ace like that sets my standards too high. Its 1 in the morning and I’m just rambling now so this is where I call it a night.


#2

Hey Evan!

Dude I come on here all the time and ramble my nighttime thoughts so it is totally OK. I’m glad you reached out here. Oh man that is really stressful thinking about when you’re going to get your medication. I know I’ve missed a day and I just get so agitated or dizzy and it’s really terrible. I hope today hasn’t been too bad for you. I just wanna remind you of all of the amazing things you have accomplished so far in your life you are a true fighter and a true friend. I am incredibly grateful for you. You know the thing about life is sometimes it’s going to be amazing and sometimes it’s going to suck and for right now I feel like things are OK for you, but they’re also kind of sucky. But I just want you to remember that the fight and the work and the work in yourself is going to pay off. It’s already paying off. I mean you’ve made so many friends and you Have just bloomed. I’m like so freaking proud of you. So I just want to remind you that it’s OK to feel down it’s OK to be struggling and to not feel good enough. But just hold on. Wait for the next day. Because I promise you that there is always hope and tomorrow. And I know you know that, but I just want to remind you.

As for love? Yikes I don’t know if I’m the best to give advice but I’m going to try. I think what’s best for you is to stay off dating apps right now. I feel like dating apps always make us lie about who we really are and that could really make you self-conscious about your story or your body or a lot of different things. And I know everything in our modern society makes it feel like we can’t meet someone off of social media, but you can. You’ve become such a social butterfly that I think the person you’re meant to meet you’re going to meet in person. However, I also think right now you are meant to focus on yourself. I am a huge huge huge huge huge huge huge huge huge believer that love will come to you when you least expect it. When you’re out there looking for forcing it it doesn’t happen but when you’re working on yourself and living for your own happiness that’s win love freaking slaps you in the face. For example I’m at my current boyfriend when I was at a Fall Out Boy show. Why was I there? You’ve become such a social butterfly that I think the person you’re meant to meet you’re going to meet in person. However, I also think right now you are meant to focus on yourself. I am a huge huge huge huge huge huge huge huge huge believer that love will come to you when you least expect it. When you’re out there looking for forcing it it doesn’t happen but when you’re working on yourself and living for your own happiness that’s win love freaking slaps you in the face. For example I’m at my current boyfriend when I was at a Fall Out Boy show. Why was I there? I was there by myself and I was kind of celebrating being single. I went to the show alone and I kept thinking I’m so independent I don’t need a boyfriend! One month later I had a boyfriend. I’m just saying that life works in such weird weird ways. Keep your heart open and keep your mind open and I know good things will come to you. It’s hard right now because Valentine’s Day and flowers in love, but don’t let the world pressure you. I was there by myself and I was kind of celebrating being single. I went to the show alone and I kept thinking I’m so independent I don’t need a boyfriend! One month later I had a boyfriend. I’m just saying that life works in such weird weird ways. Keep your heart open and keep your mind open and I know good things will come to you. It’s hard right now because Valentine’s Day and flowers and love, but don’t let the world pressure you. Love yourself and the right person will come into your life.

Love you friend. Here for you forever and always.
Cassie


#3

@Evan9171

Hi. It’s good to see you again, my friend. It has been awhile. I understand you are feeling down. I have been feeling down these past weeks for personal reasons, but I want to focus on your post than mine. I’m sorry about that you didn’t get your medication in time. I don’t know how that feels like. I am in the same boat as you when it comes to looking for a lovely woman, and be in a relationship. I am going to be 26 in April, still single. I do get lonely, however, I need to remind myself that I am not alone. God is with me. He is with you too. I agree with @IAmCassie about focusing on yourself first, and your significant other will be in your life unexpectedly. Just be patient. I hope you will feel better. Thank you for sharing. I’ll talk to you later. :slightly_smiling_face:


#4

Today was tough. I psyched myself out yesterday so I’m sure that effected me today. I’m on my way to work and the light wont turn green fast enough and the person in front of me is going way to slow I didn’t know if I wanted to punch a wall or ball up and cry. I was all over the place at work my mind was thinking of a million things at once and I was all jittery. I called my dr at noon hoping they sent it in but it was the answering machine saying to call during business hours witch I freaking was. So at lunch time my mind wandered to why am I always forgotten or put on the shelf. It happens all the time I even had the secretary at my college apologize to me saying I don’t know why you keep getting screwed over. It’s hard not to think that I don’t here it’s like I’m invisible. I called again a little after one and they said they called it in last night I really doubt that because I called cvs before they closed and they haven’t received anything. I left work an hour early, I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I finally picked it up than I crashed for a couple hours. It took a while to feel normal again. I learned my lesson and will do better next time.

@IAmCassie thank you so much for your response. You are a true friend. I totally agree with you on the whole dating site thing, I lived it. Thank you for sharing your story on how you met your boyfriend that gave me a lot of hope. I go to concert alone quite a bit so maybe someday the same will happen to me, who knows what life has in store for me. Thanks again love ya.

@AVJR thank you for the kind words my dude.


#5

@Evan9171

You’re welcome. I will never too if I meet my future wife in concerts. Hehe. Rest easy, my friend.