Life on the Line, Emergency prayer

Im just gonna be honest and say im in the hospital im 24 years old and the issue is that my lungs collasped just naturally because im a tall lengthy guy but ya know im in so much physical pain and I have to live with a stupid tube in my side in the hospital for a week now. I want freedom

Ya know I posted here before I was homeless I lived in a tent since July I found my own place I was homeless for 8 months because I wanted to be close to a job I got lucky I got full time good stuff more money ever in my career without college degree from 16 it will be 35 an hour at UPS because of the injury I have im afraid im ginna lose everything.

So far in the hospital my lung collasped twice and blood clotting I donf know how im alive but if I got something off my chest it would be just the tube lol but If I die today im not going to heaven I know my place because I walk among the dead not of the living because my life hasn’t changed I dont lean on God but rather just material things of this world because it’s entertaining and its an easy life style. I claimed the faith jve read the scriptures but ive not really understood God’s love if I did id rely on him then with myself and others.

Either way there was changes with my life. I used to live with a pastor things went downhill couldn’t live with him anymore. I was on my own I got into a big depression my life did not matter I started smoking weed 3 years ago nothing wrong with that. But when they mentioned drugs I was like sure whatever I dont care. I experimented with cocaine once and ive taken acid 6 times in my life, even been brought to the point of snorting pills but was never addicted. I accidentally snorted meth thinking it was cocaine. Never got addicted because it burned I never understood how people got addicted. But I was just ready to die back then I stopped with those drugs a year or so ago but was around it people had Bathsalts doing air duster. Then im like yeah I got full time at ups I just dont wamt to hangout with people who didn’t care about their life so I just thought id try church and just covud hitting no I didnt go as much but

I wanted to understand its hard to everytime im so close but I realize something called a father wound never had a loving father growing up in fact he was very abusive physically and mentally.

Back to this no im not going to heaven not because of the things ive done but ive chose the world and didn’t follow God I tried and want to again but whats the point if im ginna fall away its never consistent for me

Thanks for your time reading this I have to see a doctor in the morning at 8 its 3:45 in 4 hours I dont want to suffer ive suffered too mu h already

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I’ll be praying for you.

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@GoldenNuggs42 Hey bud, I’m here to tell you that you are not alone. Some coincidences that caught my attention is that we are the same age and have come to a very trying place in our faith as we realize we’ve been serving our fleshly desires instead of the Lord. Also I’m tall and lanky as well, my brother had the same thing happen to him with his lungs and had to miss out on some of his college so I’ve seen the effects that takes and I am praying for that situation, just remember to be honest with people at UPS that you are serious about the job once you get released. Don’t keep them guessing.

Now to the major parts of our story. Like you, I claimed the faith but relied on myself and things of this world to bring satisfaction. I was raised in a christian home, went to church, played on the worship team, was homeschooled and looked like I had it all together on the outside. I got married 3 years ago and have a daughter that’s a year and a half. I’ve been incredibly blessed with a successful career no debt and at age 24 I was feeling pretty good about myself. This year, my mask was ripped off and the truth that I have been hiding behind finally came out. My faith, marriage, and who I portrayed to be was a fraud. Though I’m only 24, I have been dealing with a sexual addiction for 17 years that has consumed me in every area of my life as well as depression and suicidal thoughts.

This year, it all came crashing down like a tornado ripping through the forest. I had began to talk to women on social media sexually and was setting myself up to have an affair. After my daughter was born I had a lot of resentment towards my wife and we were always fighting. I was extremely mentally abusive towards her and one day after we had a fight I called her to apologize while I was at work. Then came the question, “are you cheating on me.” My heart sank, I was at the crossroads of pursuing my sin and continue covering up what I was doing or to come clean and face the judgement of God. At first, I began to deny it. Then, during the phone call, I came clean about messaging woman but still covered up and justified the majority of the issues.

That was over 5 months ago and I have been coming to an empty home (now RV) ever since. The last 5 months have been the learning process however. I began to dive into the scriptures every day and have not missed a day since. I got baptized and gave my testimony of living a double life in front of an entire congregation. I began counseling, talked to mentors, memorized scripture, got rid of social media and my smart phone, put a monitoring program on my computer for accountability. Went to church and joined a bible study. I convinced myself I was doing the right steps. People around me praised how I was turning my life around. I still took control of the narrative and based my faith off of the works I was doing. My focus was on God but still sought after the lusts of my heart. It has taken me this long to come clean of the sins I committed and to be honest and not hide the fact that I still have been struggling with this addiction. I was manipulating my wife, going behind her back lying to her as well as the people I was talking to. I found new ways to watch porn and to look for the approval of women as I committed adultery with them in my heart. I deceived my heart as I still claimed and poured myself out to God.

I share this with you because I am learning what true repentance looks like. We are to give God every area of our life and turn away from sin not just turn away but hate it and to realize our flesh is constantly trying to take us down the path of destruction. We cannot serve God and our flesh. Romans 7: 18-20 “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.” If we do not have a heart of repentance and hate the things that we do then we are living in sin and serving our flesh and the world which is the anti christ. To hate sin means we should be compelled to rebuke it in any form. The way to do that is to abide in christ, the Holy Spirit is our gift in salvation, we have a conscience of the things we should not do. It is not us who can overcome sin but the spirit and we have to give every part of our life to God, bear our sins, deny ourselves so that we are no longer living for sin but rebuking it and exposing it for what it is, not justifying what we have done. We have all sinned and fallen short every single day but that is no reason to except it and justify it. Thats why we should pour our hearts out to our Lord who has sacrificed and covered the magnitude of our sins. Even in trials we face, He’s trying to draw us to him to give us the gift of peace and eternal righteousness. We have to embrace His love and fear His wrath.

Hebrews 12:11 "For the moment, all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." Discipline is how we grow into better people. Even though it sucks, the fact that we have a Heavenly Father that cares enough to discipline us out of sin and into peace and righteousness is a beautiful thing. All we have to do is turn away from our sinful nature which is impossible without abiding in Christ. That means humbly confessing sin without giving excuses understanding that sin is what brings condemnation and turning away from it if it becomes a temptation again. Also making amends with the people you have miss treated shows a change of heart. Reconciliation is the biblical example of us returning to the presence of God.

This is the journey I have been going through and I hope it brings encouragement to your situation, everyone has a story that is unique and in the end we are either sanctified in our faith or cast into Hell for our disobedience. Matthew 7:13-14 “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.

I am praying for you friend, you are not alone in this. My challenge for you is to read the book of James, that has been one of my favorite books during this journey and puts faith into perspective for me and how to treat people. My heart goes out to you.

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Hey brother.

You are not beyond redemption. Getting the job at UPS and turning away from a self-destructive lifestyle was a big step toward living. It takes a lot of strength to quit using substances and to face the world sober. It’s not always a nice place. It takes even more strength to break the human connections that were holding you back. Those are major areas of your life that has changed. If there is one thing 2020 has taught us, it’s the importance of community. The community we choose isn’t always wholesome or healthy though, and to leave that behind takes massive effort.

Step 1 of the 12 Steps of AA (which work well for everyone, wherever they are) is to admit you’re powerless over the issues that separate you from God and the good life you want. It could be alcohol, drugs, depression, materialism. I just did a step program, and focused on my performance-based identity. Doing better and better at work was my idol, and it left me empty because no matter how well I did it was never good enough. It sounds to me like you’re about at the point where you don’t think you can keep on the right path by your own power, and admitting that is where real change can begin.

Jesus was the only sinless human to walk the earth. We are all sinners, whether we do drugs, worship material goods, dive nose deep into our careers, or even judge the people who do all those things. All sin is the same in God’s eyes. Your pious peers who may look down on you for homelessness or drug use are guilty of pride, not loving their neighbor, and playing God by casting judgment. Furthermore, we can’t buy our way into Heaven. No amount of tithing or volunteer hours can erase, offset, or excuse sins, and anyone who really believes they can is prideful and materialistic in a different sense. In God’s eyes, you are no better or worse than anyone else around you. That sets you on an even playing field. If we’re all sinful and we can’t earn our way into Heaven, then no person can get into Heaven all by themselves. That’s where Jesus comes in. He paid our debts. The price of sin is death, so if we sin we are condemned to die with no afterlife; but Jesus took on the sin of all the world and died for it. All we have to do now is confess our sins, accept the gift that Jesus gave us, turn away from sins and toward God, and keep trying. We are flawed, we will never be sinless, but God just wants us to seek Him, accept the gift of our cancelled debt, and humbly thank Him for it; and it is never too late to start doing that, Remember the story of the Prodigal Son.

I’m pretty bad at making up prayers, but start a dialogue with God while you’re picking at your chest tube. “God, thank you for keeping me alive in this hospital where I can get well. Thank you for the blessings of a good honest job and the clarity to leave behind my old ways. I’m sorry for the way I’ve lived my life and the earthly things I’ve focused on. I ask for your grace and forgiveness, and for the strength and humility to seek You.” Thank Him, apologize, and ask Him to help you follow Him. It’s a baby step, not a complete 180 of your life, so it’s something that you can do. Just remember that God loves you, and He’s waiting for you.

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@GoldenNuggs42 I will be praying for you. God loves you regardless of what you’ve done. He doesn’t abandon anyone. We love you. Please keep us updated on how things are going <3
I’ve mentioned your situation on the live stream too, and everyone there is praying for you too <3

Hold Fast
Kayla

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Hi! I’m praying for you!

Here’s the good news! Going to heaven doesn’t depend on what you do or don’t do. It depends on what Jesus did and whether you believe in Him! Check out this verse: “For you are saved by grace through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God’s gift — not from works, so that no one can boast.”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭2:8-9‬ ‭HCSB‬‬

God knows you are going to struggle to follow Him and make the right choices sometimes. Here’s the deal…

  1. God is holy and we are sinful and have all done wrong (“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans‬ ‭3:23‬ ‭HCSB‬‬)

  2. The punishment for sin is death but God offers life through Jesus (“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans‬ ‭6:23‬ ‭HCSB‬‬)

  3. God shows us His love through Christ ( “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8)

  4. After we realize we need Jesus to be our Savior, we can respond by calling out to Him (this response is available to everyone). (“If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.” Romans 10:9-10) (“For, ‘Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.’” Romans 10:13) (“For God loved the world in this way: He gave His One and Only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world that He might condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him. Anyone who believes in Him is not condemned, but anyone who does not believe is already condemned, because he has not believed in the name of the One and Only Son of God.” John‬ ‭3:16-18‬ ‭HCSB‬‬)

  5. As a result we can have peace with God and experience eternity with Him with no condemnation (“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.” Romans 5:1-2) (“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans‬ ‭6:23‬ ‭HCSB‬‬) (“Therefore, no condemnation now exists for those in Christ Jesus, because the Spirit’s law of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.” Romans‬ ‭8:1-2‬ ‭HCSB‬‬)

I hope this brings you peace and I hope you get well soon!

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Thank you everyone i have been reading these comments little by little when I can. i got the surgery done. Im exhausted, ive been in pain still i had forgotten about my previous posts before ya know I struggled so much in the past. Its hard to really understand or trust that I am loved people do care because the most traumatic event In my life was when I lived with the pastor, I never had a family i never had someone say I love you, I care about you and he did i felt warm excepted and loved in his household but one day I just didn’t hold my end of the deal I put myself in a program to find my identity. It was 12 year long program and I put in ther over come pornagraphy ya know its was like a rehab but it just wasn’t at all it was a Christian organization but I ended up being there for 3 months not 12 years I ended up leaving to go home early and I had to take 5 busses never rode a bus before it was a lonely 28 hours way back i called my pastor I was gonna come home but he said I didn’t hold my end of the deal it was to complete it and I could stay longer help me get on my feet. I got picked up from the stop by him and all my stuff was in there my heart sank in my chest I couldn’t be sad I couldn’t be angry I was just disappointed getting dropped off at my gram… before I left this place I told my buddies I was worried about getting into drugs and wrong friends never did that before the 3 years ago. I never hurt so bad with not being able to come back to tell me they love me, im their son, the encouragement the love ive received and support was gone…

Thats a piece of my story thank you guys for the prayers and support. Heart support :heart:

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Thank you for this its needed I never mentioned anything with pornagraphy this has helped me want to overcome it

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I hope your surgery went well. Glad my comment gave you some encouragement. Most of the time we don’t realize how our actions as well as the actions of others affect us when in reality, if we let them consume us, they become detrimental. I didn’t realize how much of my life has been building up to this point as I was in a constant state of resentment, numbing the pain of life with unhealthy coping skills. I let the decisions other people around me made affect me and harden my heart. Looking back I can see that there is valuable lessons that I can apply and use to shape me into the person I am called to be as I walk with the Lord dwelling in the Spirit. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the pain, I am still taking my pain out on my wife which makes me so anxious and frustrated because its causing a divide that is going to end in divorce. Especially if it continues, which I am proving to do. The trials and pains have a valuable lesson if we look past the pain and into how we can grow from it. I know that probably sounds like a cliche but its true. This has been the hardest time of my life, the pain of depression and suicide and anxiety still haunt me at times more so than ever. Its even affecting my job and I’m scared I am going to lose it. With that being said, I have learned so much this year and how it is shaping me into the person I have always wanted to become as well as peace. Even if I do lose my job, my wife, my daughter, everything I have worked for. I know that God has something bigger in store, its proven time and time again in the Bible. Look at Jobs story as well as Joseph. Joseph was tossed into a well by his brothers, sold as a slave to another country, put into prison for a false accusation abandoned by his family that told his father he was dead. God made him very successful as he relied on him through the trials. He even forgave his brothers and reconciled with them in a way that is just unfathomable all because he was faithful and saw how the Lord was working through him during hardships. So what have you learned that’s positive from your trip to the ER and are healing from collapsed lungs? It can be hard to think about or even want to, but that’s what keeps you from being stuck in the situation. James 1:2-4 “Count it all joy my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” This is to be the journey of our life here on earth until we are made perfect and complete when we enter heaven.

Keep fighting the good fight my friend, you are on the right path and there is peace in the one who redeems.

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