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Life’s all kinds of messed up

Hey there. I’m looking to vent and I guess support?

Long and short of it is I’ma mess. I lost my love of 8 years last year due to my depression and her not being able to handle it anymore. And fairly so. I was closed off and unwilling to show any emotion.

She was (is?) the love of my life. Highschool sweethearts. We were together while she was in college and we started a life together. I still love her. She was my best friend.

Life has felt utterly empty without her and it hurts a lot. I’ve dated since the break up but I can’t feel anything for another and it wouldn’t be fair to a new girl anyways.

All I do is work and sleep. Im the biggest I’ve ever been and it feels gross. I use nicotine and porn to cope with the pain and I hate it all. I don’t like who I’ve become.

But I don’t know what to do. Life feels meaningless. I feel like a part of me was ripped from my soul and I don’t know how to be whole again. I don’t really have anyone I can talk about this with and it’s driving me insane.

I don’t know what to do and I need help…

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Hey @RustyShackleford,

I’m so sorry to hear that you lost the love of your life. This could just be temporary, though, if the sole reason she left was because she couldn’t handle your depression. It sounds like, if you work on yourself and reverse your depression, she’d be interested in continuing your relationship. Have you considered seeking counseling? It helps a LOT. Also, even though regularly exercising can be a difficult routine to get into, once you’re in the routine, it’s easy peasy to stay in the routine. It also helps you feel GREAT (mentally and physically).

Best of luck to you friend! :slight_smile:

-Eric

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Dude seriously thank you. Today I finally had to admit I needed help and your reply means the world to me. I need to get back into therapy.

I think she’s moved on. Mostly it’s the loneliness factor that’s been really hard for me to manage.

Most of my pain comes from just not being able to connect to anyone and having to carry all this emotional weight by myself.

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@RustyShackleford Anything to help, my dude! I actually re-checked myself back into counseling a few weeks ago, myself. Nothing wrong with needing to talk to someone! Around the same time I also started going back to the gym, and switched up my meal-routine (swapped out unhealthy food for healthy food [with a couple of Taco Bell cheat days lol]), and starting being strict with my sleep schedule. Needless to say, I can definitely say that it helps. All while, you’ll be learning healthy techniques to fight back against depression while in therapy. If needed, anti-depressants can also help rebalance your chemistry, so that could also be a route to take. If you’re into meditation, I love the apps Calm and Headspace!

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