Lifes just collapsed on me

[Aces]

Hello,

Yesterday was difficult says the least I’m just extremely down even suicidal tbh. Just had way too much Freetown and just being antisocial. I dont know if this is just a mood swing or of it’s just me being me.

[Micro]

Hey @Aces,

If it’s late for you right now, I’d encourage you to try to get some rest. So many times, dark thoughts settle at night when we are more alone and there’s silence around us. Tomorrow is going to be another day.

If you feel overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts, please keep reaching out to crisis lines as well (and/or crisis chats). It’s okay to ask for help and make sure to not stay alone in these moments.

If you’d like to talk about what happened yesterday, please feel also free to share here. We’re all willing to listen and encourage you.

You’re loved.

[Ashwell]

Hi Aces.
I am so sorry you are feeling like this. I know what a very bad moodswing can do. I hope once you get some sleep you will feel better.

@Aces

Just had way too much Freetown

I hope this lifts your mood but when I have read this I was confused and because English is not my native language I started looking for what kind of codeword Freetown is. Is it a bear brand? Is is a code word for something? Eventually I have read an article about the fall of Freetown in Siera Leone but still nothing. Then I realised it’s supposed to be freetime… Yeah.

[blini]

Hey Aces,

I hope the suicidal thoughts and feelings of hopelessness have become less intense. Following what you’ve been posting, I’d like to share with you some thoughts. When I read about your racing, I see someone who is dedicated, passionate, strong-willed, able to perform under pressure, disciplined, and committed. You are this fascinating person who runs these two extra miles. Every single race you put yourself out there you take the risk that things might not go the way you might want them to - and you still do it. Someone who is able to do this is incredibly courageous. Aces, this someone is you.

Depression and suicidal ideation are symptoms you’re suffering from, they don’t define you. That’s not who you truly are. Depression is a coping mechanism that may come from a time when you had to suppress your feelings because it wasn’t safe to express them. When you fear connection, you may have learned very early on that connection isn’t safe. You may not even recall these things but your body keeps the score. I don’t know much about your background story but I see that you’ve been through a lot. You have always deserved a loving family with caregivers who are capable to meet your needs, who are there for you, love you unconditionally, and support you. The absence of loving and capable caregivers is neither your fault nor does it say anything about you as a person. It should have been available to you and I am so deeply sorry that this may not have been the case. I don’t know if you’re aware of this, so I thought I’d share this with you.

You are a capable and strong person with great resources and qualities. Look at what I wrote about you in the first paragraph. I didn’t write this to make you feel better. I wrote this because it is evident and you deserve to see it yourself. Think about how far you’ve come in racing during this last year, how much progress you made. This is you. This is you fighting for what you want. What an inspiring person you are. You have everything it takes to heal and to improve your mental health. I truly believe in you, Aces.