Little rant but also plz educate me with the best knowledge u have

Can someone plz help me?.. Plz tell me…
What is the difference between actually genuinely being busy, and just saying that to avoid someone?

The reason I’m asking is bc in the past I have had alot of people do this to me where they have pretended to be my friend and I actually fell for it. One of the signs I caught on to was the fact that they were constantly saying they were busy at work whenever and I mean WHENEVER I would msg them or try to talk to them no matter what time of the day it was when I would try. They were minors at the time and I went to school with them. I remember really wanting to call their bluff but I wasn’t sure that they were actually lying… I do know this much in my area at least it is illegal for minors to work more than 8 hours during weekends, holidays and season breaks and more than 4 hours during the week in the school year. I also know it’s illegal for anyone to work 24/7 with no rest…So I don’t think they were really as busy as they were saying they were…

I’ve also had alot of people just blow me off with no explanation…no communication, no nothing… like I didn’t deserve an explanation. That often left me wondering what I did wrong…What did I ever do to make them that upset where I didn’t even deserve an explanation…When I would get an explanation it would already be too late after they had already had enough of what I was doing. I would get cussed out for something I had no idea was bothering them bc they didn’t bother telling me the first few times. I have autism so I miss social cues and so by the way things have ended up…I must have missed alot of cues here… (So just disclaimer to the person reading this…if there is ever anything I do that is unacceptable to this community plz just verbally tell me)

Anyway, as a result in all of this I find myself feeling like I’m going through the same cycle with the person im talking to now. Feeling like he just says he’s busy so he doesn’t have to talk to me, blowing me off with no explanation, etc. Last night he told me he would be in my stream and ended up in another stream instead and that really rubbed me the wrong way…

On top of that I always feel very guilty feeling this way bc ik it’s not his fault… Ik its not fair to him that I think this way. I do know that he has a job and he has a busy life and I try very hard to keep that stuff in mind and understand that but all the mixed signals I’m getting are just really tearing me apart. I fear that one day these feelings may even damage our friendship and I don’t want lose my friend (again)…

So plz tell me… WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE??? :sob:

Thank u for listening to my lil rant :slightly_smiling_face: this is all stuff I’ve been really needing to get off my chest for a long time…

4 Likes

We talked about this today in Twitch, but I’ll repeat it here. :hrtlegolove:

Remember this post where you talked about how your friend treats you. Remember that your friend cares about you and wants you to talk to them about your problems. I think you should talk to them and I’m sure they will reassure you.

We talked about Favorite Person too. Autism and BPD have this fear of abandonment and this explains the relationship you have with your friend and why you feel the emotions you are experiencing right now.

Take care!

Hi Andy,
this must be a bit of an uncomfortable feeling, when you think it’s a pattern that’s happening. I am impressed by how clearly you’ve asked us to verbally tell you if you’re doing something unacceptable. This shows that you know what you need to keep communication clear, and I encourage you to keep letting people know what you need!

I know for me personally, when i used to say “busy with work” , I never really specified if it was school-work, work work, house-work, unless it was super necessary. Whatever the work, it meant that I was going to be busy, or it could be that I had a bunch of different things to do all at once so ‘work’ covered it.

This sounds like disappointment and it does hurt when our friends don’t follow through. It helps sometimes if we can think of the possible reasons for why they don’t do what they said, and then ask if it’s bothering us and we really need to know.

And of course we’re here. If you ever want us to help you through a situation, or maybe advice on how to phrase or ask a question, maybe it can be asked here if you need support with that.

1 Like

Thank u very much I appreciate ur support and replies to my topics

@Mystrose thank u for the reminders… sometimes that’s just what I need for reassurance. I appreciate u so much

1 Like