Thinking of my ex today. In a past entry I wrote about the emotional abuse and received great response (thank you for all the support…I really feel safe coming on here and say what I’m feeling).
My ex has mental illness…we re both bipolar…he had a poor upbringing and it left him with a lot of anger that was taken out on me quite a bit…along with continuous lying…But our relationship didn’t always have bad times, making it hard to let go.
Today I’m heavily missing those good times. He was the man I first got seriously sexually involved with…who courted me…and took me on lots of dates. I miss our humor…dressing up pretty for him. He would buy me icecream when my feminine cycle hit. I miss calling him on the phone where we’d purposely talk in goofy voices…just because we liked to be silly. Sometimes we’d rough house or dance together. I wish I could see him now and hold him close.
He has a lack of empathy and is very hurtful. Wed broken up and got back together multiple times due to lies but I will never forget those first six months we had together…when I felt like I was walking on clouds and had some of the best life moments a girl could ever ask for…the best birthday I ever had…before he also shattered them with lies…about his situation with another woman…his living situation…and his excessive name calling…telling me there’s no other man for a bipolar girl like me.
I feel so torn. It feels impossible to move on. Will I ever? He and I started a full break up process back in March. We were back on again end of May…stopped talking until he reached out to me in September and we stopped talking two weeks ago. I blocked him because I couldn’t handle it. I feel sad but can’t talk to my friends…they will just roll their eyes and tell me I need to stop living in the past
Hi, I’m really sorry you have to go through this all alone. What you went through is definitely abuse, definitely valid and a really difficult situation to be in.
I think this video could be of some help for you: https://youtu.be/AeGEv0YVLtw
I have been where you are and been through similar and I know that torn feeling you have.
Please be in touch and if there is anything we can do to help, even if it just listening more, we will be here. Just know that you’re not wrong to feel conflicted and your emotions are more than valid. And whatever you do in response to those feels is fine too.
And getting over something like this has no preset time table. It takes as long as you need and it can definitely a hard process, but whatever you need is valid and right for you. And we will be here to help
Please feel free to talk to me anyone and I’ll do what I can to help
Thanks for sharing with us @Rosethorn 
I completely understand how it is hard to let go but I think it’s for the best from what you are describing. No one should treat you like that, you should be treated with gentleness, love, compassion, truth and so much more. Break ups come in waves, some days will seem easier and others will just feel like a storm consuming you. You just focus on doing what is best for you. If you need to block him and just go on for a while without contact then do that. Focus on things that make you happy, hobbies, hanging out with friends, going to the mall to get ice cream and window shop, just all of the little things. I had to do that when I broke up with my first serious boyfriend. It’s a lot of emotions and memories that it’s hard to let go but I believe in you, Rose. After a while it won’t hurt as much and I truly think time heals. It will get easier in time and you will be able to move on. You survived and lived your life before your ex and you will be able to do so now. You are strong, amazing and a wonderful human. 