Sooo, it’s been about a month and a half since my friend upped and sold her house I was living at. I didn’t get much warning so here we are going from motel to camping.
In all honesty she had every right to leave. Things were getting tough for her and COVID had her fearful of many things, she migrated state to live with other friends. She wanted me to go with her but then changed her mind based off my partner wanting to stay in CA for other reasons. I figure his main reason is cannabis consumption but he doesn’t admit it. I know he needs it for his night terrors and his chronic pain in his leg but I feel like it’s become a main focus over the past 4 or 5 years for him.
I like to smoke too occasionally because it helps with stress but he likes A LOT which can be frustrating at times when I need him to have clarity or stay on the ball with tasks he will be completely zonked and then it feels like everything is left up to me
Unfortunately my health was and still is declining. I haven’t been able to see a professional doctor in maybe 4 years and the whole living on the road thing is making it worse. I need blood tests real bad because I’m worried and I’ve had a horrible bacterial infection for most of my life and so not being able to clean my face is just making it worse and making me more depressed and want to hide away especially whilst out working. My confidence is just non-existent and I want to cover my face completely almost every day.
Most of my family are under the impression that things are going well for me but the fact of the matter is I just don’t want to tell them the full truth. My parents are already worriers and my few friends just don’t understand my situation and feel at a loss. I have one friend that keeps telling me to move country to go live with them which is just silly and unrealistic. I think it’s them just not knowing what to do.
I’m literally hundreds of miles away from most of the people I care about and it’s just hard…
I’ve already reached out to homeless services and places I can stay but it’s always domestic violence shelters and places for single moms…
I was seeking going to college again for climatology and IT but I’m having to work overtime to just make enough to get by whilst living on the streets/campgrounds.
It’s all so messed up.
My partner is with me and doing his best too but I can tell everything’s taking its toll on him. He’s definitely more angry and reactive and sometimes I just can’t bare it but have to because I know he doesn’t mean it.
Anyway, thanks heart support and those of you who care and take the time to help…
I wish I could offer support in similar ways to those of you who are struggling but I guess I have to admit to myself that now I’m the one who’s struggling and in a way I almost feel ashamed because I didn’t think it would come to this. I should be celebrating my 30th this year but I guess life happens and sometimes it’s hard to control what’s going on.
Much love to you guys
Hallos! I think you should talk to your parents about what’s going on. I think 1 of the reasons you have to work overtime it’s most likely the cannabis problem. The best idea to start saving money is to start to cut down the amount you’re using to start to save money. It would be best if you gave your boyfriend an ultimatum about moving out of the country as I’m thinking he wants to stay in CA as Pot is legal over there but it might not be to the place you want to move to.
Hey Friend, thanks for the post and Welcome to HeartSupport. It seems you have an awful lot going on and a lot to sort out, its not wonder you are stressed friend, I am glad you came here. Its so worrying not knowing how things are going to turn out, not having enough money to manage and feeling like you dont have enough support around you. I can understand the need to use cannabis as a pain killer as no one wants to live in pain and if that is the only relief you get then I get it, saying that of course if it can be limited only for that reason I would imagine it would save a fair bit of money, I do belive even though its been leagalised in the USA its still pretty expensive. I think it might be an idea to really look into what you use and I dont just mean canabis, I mean things in life, things you spend, what you use, what you dont need and really work out what you can manage withou whilst you try to find a way to get some cash together and try to get a way out of this stressful situation. I can feel your frustration, pain and hurt and I wish you had the support at hand to assist you, we are here to encourage and listen anytime you need it. I truly wish you well. Much Love Lisa x
Welcome to the HeartSupport community, dilly! Thank you for sharing your story with us
This sounds like you are in a very tough spot and I’m sorry you lost your stable place to live so suddenly. May I ask why you choose to stay in a situation like the one you are in? If you are having to work overtime and still cannot find an apartment then I feel like something must be draining your funds and maybe the best way to stop that from happening is by changing your situation.
Why is it unrealistic to go live with your friends in the other country? Or why can you not move closer to the people you care about who now live hundreds of miles away? If the only reason you cannot do these things to improve your life is because of your partner then I suggest leaving him where he is happy. Try a long distance relationship. They can be very healthy for couples to find themselves more able to take care of each other after learning to take care of themselves. And it sounds like that may be what would help you both find a better path. Self-sufficiency.
I also think you should tell your parents some of your struggles. I know you don’t want them to worry but they are your parents and they care about you and I think they would want to know and to help however they can. Maybe you could even stay with them while you build up some savings.
I wish you all the luck in the world in overcoming this obstacle and finding some stability in your life and I hope you return and share with us again whenever you wish. Hold fast
