Living with my parents with no real room

A month ago I moved back to my parents and I’m still taking up too much space. There’s stuff that my parents want me to put in my room, but I can’t because there’s no more room. And the moment I’m saying that I can’t put it there, I’m being told “well it’s your own fault because you didn’t tell us in time”… is this true? maybe. Does that change anything? would they have made more room if they had more time? knowing them, probably not…
Not only am I taking up too much space here the entire time… I’m also being reminded that I’m taking up too much space. And I’m not allowed to help cleaning the room out so I finally can stop living out of boxes… I literally fell off my bed last Monday, between the bed and 3 LINES of boxes that obviously didn’t budge so it was difficult getting up… And I’m not allowed to say literally ANYTHING, because it’s all my own fucking fault according to them… and even if it is… which I’m not saying it is… I’m not getting help to fix it and everything I suggest gets shut down…
Please don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful that I can be here even if it’s for a little while, but it’s exhausting to have to pull my butt in because there’s too much stuff in a room that’s supposedly mine, but in which more than half of the stuff isn’t… And with this heatwave… it’s ironic that there’s an airconditioning unit in this room, that I can’t use because there’s a huge chance that I will not be able to close the window again… but I’m not allowed to move the airco unit because then it’s taking up space somewhere else… and don’t get me started on all the things that I’m doing wrong here… Not hearing my mom yell my name and thus not responding, not putting the laundry inside (that no one told me was outside and I didn’t see because of the trees in front of it), not cleaning up stuff…what do you ask? oh that one things that was under a pile of other things that you’re not allowed to touch. Oh and I can’t sit at my desk because there’s no room, but I’m still expected to miracously find work somehow… my bed has currently 3 functions: study space for horn playing, workspace, and sleep space… Who wants to bet how long it’s gonna take till I have sleep problems again? I’m giving myself 3 days :upside_down_face:

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pro tip: when you fall off and get wedged like that, time to army crawl/wriggle out past the lines of solider boxes guarding you! (hoping that made you laugh a bit!)

Someone this sounds like so many people I know you have moved back home, right down to the line of boxes…sometimes parents think unboxing and unpacking isn’t needed because you’re going to have to repacked soon and why do it unless you NEEED to.

Sounds like your family sort of sets up the family members for failure. If you have laundry outside, you can’t blame someone else for that. It sounds like a bit of disorganization on their part and they expect you to read their minds. Always difficult to do… because we can’t mind read!

I’m sorry that it’s been so difficult. Not sure what suggestions we can think of to create more space for you unless there is a spare room or corridor you can use for the boxes.
Keep sharing and venting. and maybe to prevent falling off, jam the box next to the bed like a guard rail so at least in the short term you save yourself from falling off at least?

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honestly it’s almost as bad as it was before I moved out… but then my mom kept putting stuff in my room and I couldn’t move thanks to that… All the suggestions I’ve given so far to help r to keep it moving, have been ignored or I’ve been told that it’s all my own fault. But when I suggest to do things myself, I’m being told I’m not allowed to…
The army crawl did make me laugh and then cry because unfortunately there isn’t room to do that, otherwise I would’ve 100% tried :sweat_smile:

and maybe to prevent falling off, jam the box next to the bed like a guard rail so at least in the short term you save yourself from falling off at least?

If I did this, I would fall on the boxes and break all my stuff unfortunately… but it was a great suggestion…
Had another confrontation earlier today, which was about a comment my mom made. The comment itself was harmless, but it escalated because it triggered something. Like that feeling that I’m too big, too boorish, too fat, too much and that no one would ever love me. That I’m disrespectful etc… The comment my mom made was “you need to control all milometers of your body”, the things that came up in my mind was her yelling at me for walking too close to a pile of newspapers and it fell down, and that “if I was more careful/less fat/less boorish I wouldn’t have done that”… That combined with the little room I have here… I’m back in hell… but I’m supposed to be grateful because I can still live with my parents… And I know I should’ve predicted this, but for some reason I thought with me being a better communicator, it wouldn’t happen… I guess no matter how good of a communicator you are, it still doesn’t matter if the other party isn’t willing to listen…
I hate that I didn’t predict this, and that I was so fucking naive… and that I’m still getting triggered by such small things…

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Hello there, @nyntje :hugs:

I’m truly sorry to hear about the challenging situation you’re facing at the moment. It’s clear that you’re going through a lot, and it’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed by the lack of space and support in your current living situation.

It’s important to remember that you’re not alone in feeling this way, and your feelings are valid. Living in a crowded and cluttered environment can be incredibly stressful, and it’s not fair for you to bear the brunt of the responsibility for it. It’s also perfectly okay to express your concerns and feelings about the situation.

While it might be challenging to change the dynamics in your living space, perhaps you could try having an open and honest conversation with your parents about how you’re feeling. Sharing your perspective and your need for a more comfortable living space might help them better understand your situation. Communication can sometimes be a first step toward resolving these issues.

I also encourage you to seek support from friends or a therapist if you have access to one. They can provide valuable insights and help you navigate through these difficult feelings and challenges.

Please remember that you deserve a space where you can feel comfortable, and your well-being is essential. Hang in there, and I hope things improve for you soon.

Hold fast! :heart:

Hi EvilGenius,
Thank you for your reply. On multiple occasions previously, I have tried to have an honest conversation about different things that were bothering me. They either ended with a fight, with my mom yelling that I am “making her out to be the bad guy”, I even have come up with solutions for this problem right now, but the thing remains that my mom doesn’t want to listen and change the situation. Communication wasn’t my best thing, so I actually learned to communicate better in therapy. Those techniques still don’t work if the other party doesn’t want to listen and also doesn’t want anything to change. So unfortunately that is not a possibility.
When it comes to finding a therapist again, I am looking for one, but the lists are long. I am one of the lucky people who already has a therapist, but this person can’t help me further and needs to transfer me, which is something they haven’t done yet. It’s been 3 weeks and the calling gets more and more frustrating, which is still something I can’t control. The only thing I can do in that case is call them and ask for that referral again, which I do.
Sorry if I come off as rude. I just don’t like having to keep defending myself again and again…