I don’t know what it is about today. But as soon as I got home from work, I have been feeling this complete wave of loneliness. A complete feeling of friendlessness that I can’t quite shake. I feel like I am lacking any real human connection with anyone. When I am with my family, especially while sitting in the same room, or eating, or just plain talking to each other I still end up feeling lonely. And it’s starting to affect my heart; badly.
I don’t think I am suicidal. I am far from those thoughts. But I just can’t shake this feeling.
I sometimes consider that were all connected in our loneliness. Sometimes, we just know that our deep inner thoughts seem impossible to share, because we don’t know how to express them. Even the chronically bouncy and cheerful people, have a place of loneliness within.
In that regard, it’s hard not to have empathy for everyone.
It sounds like you may not have a lot in common with those around you. It might be best to find someone with whom you have a mutual interest, for example hobbies, sports or hiking.
With borderline personality disorder comes chronic loneliness. God it sucks so freaking bad sometimes. I can be in a room full of people I love, laughing and showing on the outside that I’m all good…but, as I’ve described before here… I feel like I’m inside a jar with a lid and everyone is on the outside moving around without me. Once in awhile something bumps into the jar but doesn’t stay long.
I don’t know how to get over this, but know that you’re not alone and any time you want to come chat, you can always message me and we can just hang out and chat.
It is such a painful experience. Feeling alone while knowing objectively that we’re not. It’s something I often feel as well, for a few reasons that I’ve learned to identify over time. Depression of course. My own struggles with trusting others/the feeling that I have to appear a certain way or they’d leave and be disappointed, so I only feel like being my true self with very few people. But for the most part, it’s because I’ve learned for almost my entire life to be self-reliant, not out of choice. It makes every relationship challenging and I often feel like they’re one sided. It’s only through some relationships at HS and with my partner that I have learned to feel differently. But as @Mystrose said, it doesn’t stay long. There’s always the same doubts, same worries and same loneliness that hits me especially when I am physically alone and surrounded by silence.
I find it often that having a day during which we have social interactions, then ending up at home, in a more quiet space where everything goes more slowly, is something that can throw this feeling of loneliness to our face again. A little bit like going to an event with people, having a good time, then feeling kind of sad/nostalgic/empty afterwards, once we’re back home and that “normal” life goes on again. It feels as if the day was just a parenthesis in the routines we have.
I am glad that you are not struggling with suicidal thoughts. That’s a very good thing. Would you say this is a feeling of loneliness, or a feeling of emptiness? Or even both. I’ve once read about the difference between loneliness and solitude - how much solitude can be a chosen experience in which we don’t feel alone or empty, because we choose to kind of have a “meeting” with ourselves. When we are with ourselves, we can also learn to feel more whole progressively. By doing things we like and make us feel alive, for example. By doing things that reconnect us to our inner self in a fulfilling way. It may sound a bit paradoxal, but there is connection to find with others in the way we create it with ourselves too. Because what we are trying to find in others is not necessarily something to be found outside of ourselves, if that makes sense.
This feeling of loneliness could be the manifestation of a personal need that has to be met, and wouldn’t necessarily imply others for that. What are the things you are looking for when you interact with people?
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