Loneliness is killing me

I can’t seem to function anymore. I’ve given up.

Recently my family life has deteriorated to the point where I don’t feel okay contacting any of my immediate family members. They are always “too something” for me. Too busy, too tired, too mental; the list goes on. I’ve come to realize there will always be an excuse for why they can’t speak to me. So I am done trying. I’ve had enough “Maybe next month”s, I’ve had enough “Let me know when”s.

I’m going away.

I’ve been alone for going on five years now after traumatic events left me without a fiancee. I’ve never been able to completely move on, but I have been trying to leave myself open to finding someone special to share the everyday with.

With recent events going as they have, I’ve been feeling the loneliness more than ever. I miss being special to someone. I miss feeling a part of someones life. I miss having interactions with someone other than my dog.

If this is how things are going to go, I’m not sure I want to keep going.

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Hey @Geko,

I hear you. And I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling alone. If anything, I have to say that what you just shared is so relatable to me. Some days I deeply feel the weight of loneliness too. It makes me feel very anxious and sad. But I want to believe that this is a season in our lives. There is a potential for things to change.

If this is how things are going to go

The truth is we don’t know. We don’t know how things are going to be. And it can be very damaging for you to create your own conclusions and projections. I understand though. It’s absolutely natural to anticipate and wonder about your future when you’re hurting in the present moment. But it’s also important to remind yourself that we just don’t know how things are going to be. Your fears are speaking here. And as much as it’s important to acknowledge those, don’t forget that you are still in control of your life, you can still take the steps that are needed to take care of yourself, to treat yourself with compassion. Not tomorrow or in two months, but right now.

With recent events going as they have, I’ve been feeling the loneliness more than ever. I miss being special to someone. I miss feeling a part of someones life. I miss having interactions with someone other than my dog.

I feel that. And I miss interactions too. Missing hugs a lot as well. For what it’s worth, know that you are not alone. And despite the recent events and the difficulty of the situation right now, it’s not going to be like this forever. 2020 has been a crazy year until now. Let’s try to make sure that this season will help us embrace the beauty in our life, even more than before. Because there is beauty, there are reasons to keep moving on. Sometimes it’s just hard to see it as our attention is focused on what is not, on what is missing.

Recently my family life has deteriorated to the point where I don’t feel okay contacting any of my immediate family members. They are always “too something” for me. Too busy, too tired, too mental; the list goes on. I’ve come to realize there will always be an excuse for why they can’t speak to me. So I am done trying. I’ve had enough “Maybe next month”s, I’ve had enough “Let me know when”s.

I’m sorry you’ve been feeling like they’re always finding excuses… that sucks. I don’t know if they have valid reasons or if they’re not 100% with you, but in any case it could be positive whether to discuss with them about it or to just focus on yourself. I understand though. It’s disappointing when you’re in this position.

Personally, I value others word, a lot. And I do my best to never say something I wouldn’t mean or to keep fake promises. So when people do that with me, when they go away without trying to be honest or discuss, it breaks my heart. Especially when I feel it but can’t really name it. Honesty is needed in every relationship. And I feel that too often people are afraid to be honest because they think being honest = hurting the other person. Which is not true. At least in my perspective, if it comes from a place of compassion, then I see it as a mark of respect.

Ultimately, it’s about them. And you won’t be able to force them to be here for you if they don’t want to. But I guess you could still try to discuss with them about how this makes you feel, at least to see if they’d be willing to find a solution together. Only a suggestion though. I know that it’s not easy to initiate this kind of conversation.

And if you don’t want to try this, it’s okay too. What matters here is you and your well-being. Focusing on taking care of yourself, on learning to make loneliness an experience to really learn to know yourself could be interesting too. There are things you can change, things you can’t. And until the circumstances get better, you can make your days enjoyable, fulfilling, interesting. This world has still a lot to offer to you, and being involved in a relationship or not doesn’t delete this.

Hold fast, friend. This is a tough moment in your life. But you will get through this. :hrtlegolove:

Hi @Geko, feeling defeated can be really hard, I am really glad you took the time to post here and share your story. I am really glad you have decided that you are more important than to be brushed off, and for people who can’t make time for you. It seems like if you keep getting excuses, it means you are still trying and you have put a lot of effort into the relationships.

However, just because they could not make time for you, does not mean you should go away. It doesn’t make you not worth it, or less than. I am so sorry about your fiancee, and I am really happy you are open to finding someone else. Though, with the state of the world recently, it isn’t the best situation to be trying to date or putting yourself out there.

However, all hope is not lost. Many others may be in your same situation, because life dealt them a difficult card right before the whole world changed. The connections won’t be the same, but making connection via technology can be a great way to start getting your feet wet again, if that is something you are open to.

We are here for you, and if we can support you better please let us know. You are worthy, and important, and I hope you find yourself the object of someones affections again. :hrtlegolove: