First off, I wanna thank everyone that has reach out to me for past couple of days. It really means a lot to me and I really do appreciate a lot. I feel I haven’t help anyone else for awhile on here. But agin thank you all so much. ( sorry that say some trigger stuff, I’m not trying to hurt people.)
I feel after this friendship, I can’t never get close to a woman ever again. Each when it end, I feel broken, hurt , and anger. I no matter what I do for rides, but then food, be supportive and everything. Just they don’t ever value as friend. Im only a door mate to them sometime.
I still love my friend very much, but also just want to snap at her at same time. I want to believe that she did care about, that value me as a person. She said a bunch I appreciate you driving to see me. That I’m a good skateboarder. That she felt safe with me and had some value to her. Hoping she leaves not to hurt me, but not to take advantage of me. Or she does not have romantic feelings and she not want lead me on.
However, I still want the friendship so badly, that would kill myself. Part me what to message her, saying why did you abandon me or post Instagram saying how hurt I am with her, how she could hurt.
I don’t have a lot friends and live with my parents. 31 years old I never any sexual activity. The friends I do have I just don’t care then as much. I feel fuck up saying that, but we grow apart and I guilt worship this friend and discount the others.
I don’t think I can ever get over her. It suck she work at the indoor skate park I really like. Also go this event that use go to with other skaters, that can’t go to now. It just fuck whole social scene in general. I feel so lonely and broken, I just want to commit suicide to hurt her and just ruin her life.
Again, I’m not trying trigger people, I just feel so lonely and hurt it hard to deal with it.