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Lonely on the 4 July Night / small replase on Thursday

It 4th of July night, and chilling at my parents house with no one to hang of with. I hate feeling fucking lonely, hate not being out with people, hate being a lonely virgin lol, and just hate not living life. Not having a lot of friends sucks. But I’m toxic person thet can’t have any friends and a loner.

I should be happy in some way, I finally might got into a good job with good benefits, my starting pay is least 20 to 28 dollars an hour. Thursday was good day where I say a friend that use to skate with. But out no where I snap at my mom. It was because I didn’t want to get a filing cabinet. In matter of seconds I had kick stuff, bang shit and exposed on my mom, out of nowhere.Then I punch my head lightly , not too hard. I felt I need to go ER cause I could take the intense emotions. There no reason for me to be abusive.

I don’t deserve friends, I’m very self center . Can’t help my own needs and don’t know to have healthy friends ship.

My teacher was right, I was meant to be alone, I hate myself.

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It’s alright, not everyone needs to hangout with someone during celebrations. I always spend my celebrations with family, as well as birthdays. But I do know how you feel, been feeling lonely for a while now, but you have to look at the good moments, the positive sides. You’re getting a good job, you got to hangout with people and you got a day where you could relax chill. But I know reminders don’t always help, so I’d say try to relax a bit, take a nap, do one of your hobbies. And you don’t have to go to ER/mental hospital, you can go to a therapist, try and get some help, psychiatrists can diagnose you and give you medications.
When you say you’re self centered and you don’t deserve friends you actually do. You’ve already taken that first step in being aware of your problem, being aware you have a problem, all you need to do is take that next step to go and get help.
You aren’t meant to be alone. No one is meant to be alone. Things will get better as you get older. You’ll be okay ^~^
Hope you’ll get yourself a good rest, gn
-Xaii

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Hey friend,

I’m sorry you were alone and feeling lonely during a time of celebrations. It sucks when these kind of days remind us how alone we can be in some times of our life. Definitely the kind of day that just makes us contemplate our life and wonder how it could have been different. Regrets can be helpful, but it’s a double edge sword as well, so I hope you still managed to put some limits while wandering through these thoughts yesterday.

You deserve friends. But you also deserve friends who understand your struggles and are able to stand up for themselves to. Sometimes, a way to love others is to put boundaries when it’s needed, yet to keep an open door so communication and love can still happen afterwards.

I’m sorry this relapse happened and I hope you can talk with your mom about it, at least to find some healing together. I’ve already mentioned it in your other post, but really a relapse doesn’t define you. There are ups and downs. It’s okay to acknowledge those. What happened doesn’t make you a bad person. Bad people don’t exist. We are made of our experiences AND capacity to learn and thrive. We are works in progress, friend, including you. What this teacher said to you was not fair nor loving.

You are human. You are worthy of love and care, no matter what. That doesn’t justify or excuse when something wrong happen. But you have still a sense of responsability in what happened, and that is what will help you heal and grow as well. You are not snapping out then believing that it’s just okay and normal. You are aware of what needs to be improved, and it’s okay to give yourself some grace through this process.

We believe in you. None of what happened will change that. :hrtlegolove: