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Lonely- overwhelming thoughts and memories

I find it difficult to make friends. For as long as I can remember it’s been difficult for me. Started back in 2012 when I moved cities because of my dad’s job. The move shocked me a bit I guess. I am lucky to have supportive parents especially a father who helped me move back to my hometown. I have grown up without him for the last 10 years and I regret that this distance between us was because I couldn’t adjust to a new life. Back at my old school friends changed drastically in a year, I barely recognized anyone. I was the odd one the weird one, lonely kid. Until class 10 I was terribly alone but gather a few in my senior year of high school but trusted ones betrayed me, left me alone, cheated on me.
I am in college now I have 3 friends and at times when I am alone I seem to drown in my thoughts about how pathetic, boring and lonely I am. My brain seems to tell me my life is crumbling down and I am just idling away. I keep up with my school work get proper CGPAs but these intrusive thoughts seem very suffocating as if they are going to cut my oxygen away.

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I just want you to know you’re not alone. And I want you to also know that even though you feel alone right now, you’re not boring and you are worth the love and effort people have to give. I also don’t have a large friend circle, but I hope the small circle you do have really listen to you and support you. If not, do you think you can be open with them about how you’re feeling and what support you may need? Glad you’re here!

Thank you for listening. I really appreciate it. I am coming to terms with a lot of the things that led me to this point of having overwhelming thoughts and talking about it feels like I am opening up the soiled bandage to clean it up and let it heal.
I think this will take time but opening up about it surely is helping a bit.

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It can certainly be hard opening up and metaphorically cleaning out the wounds, but like you said, it does lead to healing. And I know I’m not the only one who wants to see that for you!
Talk about it and getting it out in the open is a great first step. Do you have any steps you take when these thoughts start to intrude? Keep pushing forward, friend!

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I turn to music for help. It keeps my mind off of these thoughts (for majority of the time) but it still lingers at the back of my mind and at times I just let it happen until it goes away.

This is a sort of system I build for myself and so far it working more or less okay :slight_smile:
Thank you for listening again. Hope you have a great day <3

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Its good that you have a good support system. Although you may think you are alone at times you aren’t alone and you aren’t boring or anything like that.

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I totally understand distraction but it still lingering. It’s good that you are trying to get your mind off it, but I’m also glad that you’re opening up because that really does help.
Would your friends be happy to listen and help in positive reinforcement? As in sometimes when I start feeling down about myself I know a few friends I can talk to and they reinforce the good things about me. And then you can start doing that for yourself too. There’s a difference between “I am boring” and “I think I’m boring… BUT”… I personally think I’m a terrible friend BUT my friends love me and wouldn’t be here for me if that were true. Starting to change your mind set is so important, but it also takes small steps. And I know how hard it is. I have been in some deep dark places throughout my life and if you’re feeling that too, then just know there’s hope.
Once you get through being able to tell yourself that “you think (whatever), but…” you can start to do just positive… I am a good friend. I have value. I am important.
You don’t need an excuse to be proud of yourself. A lot of people will say they’re good or bad BECAUSE… but the problem with that is it makes your self worth dependant on performance… Casey talks a bit about performance based love. We as a community don’t believe in that. You are valuable just as you are. You are loved just as you are. Everyone can improve themselves, but you don’t have to change who you are or work for it.

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I do speak about my struggles with my friend but she herself deals with an unimaginable amount of mental abuse on a daily basis from her father. I try not to burden her with mine but she always gives me a patience hearing.

I hope you are getting out of your deep dark places and trying your best at it every day. Really appreciate and love how you take your time to respond and I hope I can help you when the time comes. Thank you once again <3

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Thank you for this <3

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Oh that’s understandable, but I hope you don’t feel like you as a person are a burden. It’s important for people to take care of their mental health. And it’s so wonderful that you’re trying to be mindful of your friends mental health. It’s also okay if you need to tell them that you’re not ready to deal with theirs.
Trying is sometimes all we can do. And is so important!
Don’t feel like you have to help people while you’re dealing with your own struggles because that can often become too overwhelming and burden your mental health.
Just another example and not to overtake your post at all, but my friend and I have the relationship where I can ask if I can vent and she may say she’s not in the frame of mind right now to handle it or vice versa. Don’t let someone else’s burdens become your own. Take care of yourself x

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Thank you so much for the replies. Take care of yourself too <3

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