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Looking for a reason to stay alive

I’m feeling increasingly hopeless and suicidal lately. Me and my wife seem to be on two different wave lengths but our love for one another seems stronger than ever. I deal with anxiety, depression and PTSD. I have started to talk to a counselor but it only seems to be empty words. The only time I seem to get rest is when I’m sleeping but even then I have nightmares and I wake up feeling exhausted. I just keep trying to find a reason to keep living. My faith is the only thing keeping me here. I have always been an awkward kid and even now as an adult I find it hard to make friends. The only thing I’ve held onto over the years is that things would change for the better for me and that I would gain self confidence and self esteem. It hasn’t happened. I’m just trying to stay alive. Its getting harder and harder to do so.

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Hey there, @Thomas_Edward_Conn. I’m sorry that you’ve been feeling like this. Feeling hopeless is such a hard place to be. If you feel like your faith is the only thing keeping you here, hold onto that as tight as you can. Through all the dark times, it’s important to remember that everything is temporary and this part of your life will pass. It’s hard to see when you’re in the middle of the dark, but it remains true, it does get better. Always remember that there’s someone out there who cares, everyone on this wall does. Feel free to post on this wall whenever you need some support. I hope that you find some light and some peace, friend. You are never alone. Hold fast. :heart:

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Hi Thomas

Its nice to meet you, I am so sorry that you are having such a bad time but very pleased you have chosen to share it in the hope that getting it out is at least the beginning of finding a way out of that dark place you find yourself in.
You say that you and your wife are on different wave lengths but the love is strong, do you confide in your wife as to how you feel and why you feel that way?
I see that you are not getting much from talking to the counselor? do you think that is because you have just not gelled with them or you are really just not into doing it? Could finding someone else possibly help?
I am glad you have your faith, it must be incredibly special and important certainly at this time and if that is what is keeping you here then i am truly grateful for it too.
I understand that exhaustion of fighting each day to try and make things better and feeling like you are fighting a losing battle, but you have held on to the faith that things can indeed change for the better as you have said and I please ask you to keep hold of that belief because having been in that place and no longer being there I can say that it does get better and I want that for you friend, You deserve to find the rest, peace and happiness everyday and your wife and you deserve to live you married lives comfortably and happily together.
Please keep in contact with us here at Heartsupport, we are all here at any time if you need to talk or just get out your frustrations.
You are loved Thomas, don’t give up Friend
Lisa

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