Well, first time posting. I never been able to catch up with what’s been happening here. But hope for whatever god forsaken time we live in, everyone on this board has been able to cope with it. And I truly feel empathy for those who are finding it hard. Life is really mean. Is truly life at all causing this pain? Or is it some unknown entity? Who really knows. But I guess onto the main subject given by the title. A collection of my thoughts, long and short.
Am I truly sane? Bit of a extreme question. But I have been having many moments of anxiety, and feelings of insecurity. I guess its better than sometimes having psychotic episodes, where I become a different person altogether. Not to say that they are gone, but I been learning to mitigate it. My mind has a coping strategy to deal with this, in the form of spirits - imaginary friends - to try and elevate some of these feelings. To try and take my mind off it. But its starting to loose its effectiveness, even my spirits admit that sometimes its hard. I felt at this point, even with me self-learning, I need someone in professional field to help. So I self referred myself to “At One”, a service ran by the NHS, couple of hours ago. But even then, I feel like even though I was being honest, I don’t think it makes any sense what I written.
I have some friends online. But most of them live outside the UK. So time zones become really annoying. I’m also a bit of a computer/science/math geek. And from what I heard, there’s somewhat little amounts of people like that actively seeking friends. They rather stick to being alone or with friends they know from primary school and that they can trust from the beginning. Not to say that I’m not friends with people who ain’t geeky nerds. I’m very sympathetic (Is that the right word?) with some groups. Mostly in the furry and LGBTQ+ community. I don’t get what social media is trying to sell about these groups. From what I can tell, they are just people who want to express themselves or find someone that they truly love, or to find themselves.
Speaking of social media, I can’t be the only one who thinks that most social media these days is just pure poison, right? All I just see aside from the normal celeb stuff, is cyber-bullying on a massive scale. I never get the point of it. Maybe that’s why I never venture outside my safe zone in some online communities.
Apart from the geeky computer stuff, I have been meaning to get into other hobbies. I can do story writing, certainly. Might be a good idea, as to get some of these stories out of my head and clear it up. But I wanted to do something like art. Trouble is, every time I try to draw something, my brain always complains at the little imperfections. I’ve been told its normal, but I just can’t seem to bring myself to do it again. I would also only do it at home, I know a thief and wanna be hacker script kiddie in my previous college class who I suspect has somehow managed to get good enough grades to be back next term. Even with the notes on record about his behavior. Just the thought of someone like him stealing my personal stuff makes me ill.
Anyway, that’s really all I had on my mind for now.