I thought I was strong enough to where I wouldn’t have to come to this forum, but I just need someone who can relate.
Over the past few years I have constantly been winning and losing at my battles with lust. This all comes from my past addiction with pornography, and with some of the relationships I had back in high school. There are time periods where time passes and I am doing well, then there are times when I start slipping back into my old self. Thanks be to God I have gotten out of pornography, but there are times when I find myself looking at something that “stokes the fire” and it teases me.
Every time I feel like I’ve lost a battle, I just hate myself for it. Sometimes I wonder if I am unforgivable by God. My flesh keeps fighting and fighting but I just ultimately lose, and on top of the shame and the guilt that I feel there is the feeling that God has forsaken me because I’ve just failed Him so many times and taken Him for granted.
I know God has called me to be one of his children, I know this to be true because I eagerly want to serve Him with a message he has given me. However, I just feel so unworthy in the times that I fail. I thought I would have been free of this lust a long time ago and that it would be gone from me forever, but on days like today, I feel like the devil just knocked me down to the core.
Is there anyone that can relate to this?