Every day is a fight to stay alive, and it’s so exhausting. I’m running out of energy, I’m starting to slip and lose the fight, and I don’t care, which is the part I’m afraid of. I’m fighting because I’m supposed to, not because I want to. I’m in a fight I don’t believe in. The urges to self-harm are getting stronger and stronger and I cannot think of a reason not to other than I’m not supposed to. I don’t want to be alive, truly, I’m fighting because I’m not supposed to give up. I so desperately want to lie down and give up.
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Hello evlprincess,
I really hope you are feeling better. I am not an expert nor a professional, so I can not provide any sound advice. I can just say that I really, really hope you don’t give up. Perhaps research some methods to rest, like meditation, exercise or a hobby. Life can get very overwhelming. Consider taking refuge in religion or philosophy. And please reach out to a professional if you need too!
Either way, know that there is someone out there rooting for you. I will keep you in my thoughts.
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i’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. going through these kinds of things myself (of course everyone has there own experiences) i understand how not wanting to fight anymore can seem easier than pushing through. but i can promise you, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, all you got to do is put yourself in drive & continue to drive until that light becomes visible. even if it doesn’t seem like it will get any easier, one day you’ll notice yourself smiling more and that heavy feeling becoming lighter and lighter. you got this, i know you do
If you feel like you are losing your fight with depression then you should give yourself a reason to fight. Taking care of a plant, seeing your favorite streamer or youtuber every day, taking a walk to a place you love. Slowly learning a new skill and growing your ability, saying hello and talking to that one guy who walks his dog and you only know him cause you recognize his dog. If you feel like you have no purpose you can give yourself the purpose, use that as your hope to keep going.
Use it as your weapon in your fight. Sinking into your depression and letting it win will not help you. You will just lose everything you may have and just make everything worse. You can keep strong, you shown that by posting and I am proud of you for doing so. Hold fast friend.
I will keep you in my prayers and hope your situation improves. Many blessings
You should fight. Push past the screaming in your head. Even if it’s just to prove them wrong.
When I was worse off, I made a list of tennents to get my life back on track, and it started with waking up, walking to the bathroom, and forcing myself to say, “I love you” and “you’re beautiful” in the bathroom mirror, the two things I wanted to desperately hear from someone else. I wanted so bad to find someone I clicked with, a best friend, someone who would be at my side and help me… but that person is already there. It’s you. It’s that side of you that wants you to fight. Don’t let her down. She’s right you know. 
Keep going.