Earlier this year I discovered I have DID. I have already been diagnosed with PTSD and working towards getting properly diagnosed with DID. Over the last 4 years I have gotten divorced, lost all my friends ,went through a major career change, and lost my house and all my belongings in a house fire that burned down my first house. I feel as though I have just been pushed down over and over everytime i try and get back on my feet. I dont want to give up because I have 3 amazing boys that are counting on me to be their father. But the constant struggle of starting over has pushed me to my limit time and time again. Now I am attempting to get a new house and the market is so high its nearly impossible to get approved for anything that will be enough to provide for my children.
How does all this tie into the discovery of DID? Of all the failures in the recent past, I feel as though many of them are not my fault, but those of my alts making decisions and actions without me (the host) being aware. I have lost all my friends from before my divorce, I changed careers sp drastically i became a over the road truck driver for 2 years and just disappeared from everyones life. It wasnt until January this year I returned and let everyone know why and where I vanished too. Now i find myself buying things without remembering me buying them, having conversations with people i dont ever remember meeting. How out of control is my life? Will I ever be able to trust even my own actions.
I just recently got a promotion to a supervisor at work and have a stable foundation, but im constantly worried of is thisbonly temporary before one of my alts destroys everything again and i disappear again. I finally have an amazing girlfriend that is fully understanding of my DID and isnt scared of the taboo theories. And i have been reaching out to old friends to apologize but im afraid of how they will react or if they will even give me the chance to apologize. Life is stable, so ahould i just leave it alone and move on with how things are? So many questions, so much uncertainty.
Welcome to the Heart Support community @TheBeast42. We’re glad you are here and hope that you find this a warm and supportive place to talk about things. It sounds like you have had so very much change in your life the last 4 years. That seems like it’s been very difficult to navigate. Caring for our mental health and getting a full and correct diagnosis is always a process. I hope that you receive the information and diagnosis soon so you can start with the right therapy. Your motivation to get your diagnosis and work toward better health is so important and it sounds like your boys are a big part of that. Please keep us posted as you go through this process and let us know how you are doing. You matter here and we call you friend. It’s good to meet you.
It sounds like you feel powerless. How much do people in your life focus on gratitude and empowering you? Also for the memory, are you on any medications? If you’re taking any medications, poor diet, not exercising can contribute to your lack of memory. What’s your body type? I tend to think the way my body looks is an indicator of how good my memory is. The body is a reflection of the mind. If anyone every rubs you the wrong way, remind them to be grateful. Hope this helps.
I’m really sorry that so much has happened in such a short span of time. That is a lot for anyone to deal with and I’m sure it’s put a big strain on your mental health. I’m glad that you’ve sought out professional help in terms of reaching a diagnosis, are you also seeing a therapist? I hope that this will provide some relief for you and some guidance in the right direction. I know the wait must be frustrating. I hope you can find the answers you deserve.
Hey there! It definitely sounds like the last 4 years have been complete hell for you, and I’m sorry you’ve had to go through all that in such a short amount of time. Usually we need some time to process each of those situations you’ve mentioned, and it sounds like you haven’t been able to have much of that “processing time” at all. I would recommend trying to tackle each of the issues at once; don’t go for all of them at the same time. Take it easy buddy; you’ve had a lot going on at once. Step by step.