So I’ll start from the beginning. My name is Faith, I’m 15 years old.
I was recently on a trip, and during it something changed in my mind. I was suddenly very paranoid of lots of things, specifically internal. I was scared I was forgetting things, that I couldn’t think straight, that there was something wrong with me. My mind was hazy and I had difficulty concentrating and remembering things and thinking in coherent thoughts. I was super stressed and anxious about it all the time. When I got back from my trip I began to feel a little better. A little happier and a little less stressed. I still was anxious, and I began getting anxious about the fact that I was feeling better. I know that sounds weird, but one of my biggest concerns was that my brain was deteriorating or something. And perhaps I’m not simply feeling better, but I’m losing awareness of the problem. The night before last I was feeling especially anxious, unstable and scared that I was losing myself. I felt like I was changing, like my personality was changing, my mind was changing. Everything around me felt unfamiliar, even my own thoughts and memories. However, at some point my near manic anxiety just… deflated. I was suddenly calm and my mind, which had once been racing with thoughts, was empty. I was still worried about the problems that occupied my mind before, but they didn’t invoke the physical reaction in me that they did before.
This hasn’t stopped, my head just sort of feels empty now, but my worries haven’t stopped. I dont even know how to describe how I feel. I would say that I’m scared but I’m really not. I don’t really feel anything
My mind still runs rampant with thoughts, and my thoughts are becoming increasingly worrisome and intrusive. Disturbing images just pop into my head and my mind seems to urge me to act on them.
The problem is I dont have any emotional response to these thoughts.
I feel like I’m losing my mind, I’m not thinking like myself. I’m not thinking the way I used to. My mind feels like an unfamiliar place. I’m worried that if I care even less I’ll lose control of myself completely.
I’ve researched many disorders, and depersonalization seems the most like what I’m experiencing. But nothing really explains how I feel completely.
It’s like I’m slowly losing my mind and losing sight of myself. This feels like something that I can’t possibly recover from. I feel like I’ll never feel normal again.
If anyone can in any way explain how I feel, even just a little, I would appreciate it a lot. I don’t want to go insane, I dont want to lose myself to the point of no return.
I know none of this makes much sense.
I’ll accept religous or psychological answers. Anything. Just please please help, I’m so scared that I’m just getting worse.
Hello Faith! Welcome, I’m glad you have the strength to come and look for help. This sounds a lot like depersonalization. And it’s ok. Most of us have experienced it from time to time. I know for a fact I have. And it’s hard to deal with. But, it does get better. Change is a part of us. Sometimes your brain has to let go of old things for new things. It’s quite common. You aren’t loosing yourself. You are exactly who you are meant to be. Just try to keep that in mind. Especially when the anxiety hits. Which is the hardest part. I hope this helps. You are great and just going through a mental and emotional transition. It is normal.