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Loss of my best friend

Hello Heartsupport,

Id like to open by saying this is my first time here, so apologies if I may not understand how this platform works quite yet. I came here because over the past few years I’ve really grown to love august burns red as a band, and after learning more about Jake and the band in general, found that I truly support the message that they try to send. I had overcome previous mental health problems before learning of them and thought that this was a cause worth supporting. I did not, however, think that I would find myself circling back here in my current state.

Last Monday (3/29/21) I received a call from my best friends older sister who I haven’t talked to directly in about 3 or so years. Getting strait to the point, she was reaching out to inform me that my childhood best friend had died in a car crash earlier that morning. He was only 23 years old. I dont know where i would even begin to try to explain how important and how much he meant to me to a bunch of strangers. While I may not know how to give this insight, I can however express how I am currently doing.

In my past, struggling with anxiety, depression, a near suicide attempt, loss of other family and friends, alcohol addiction, ect…This has been by far the hardest thing I think I’ve ever had to deal with in my life to this point. My past experiences have made me a stronger person, and I think without them I would not be able to even reach out to anyone like this.

Thankfully many of the people who are close to me have given me the level of support I need and try to help cope. Im not even sure what Im looking to gain from posting here, but hopefully you all might.

Anyway, again im still unsure how all this works, but Jake if you see this, its because of august burns red and more specifically you as a person I look up to that has helped me pull through this past week. I couldnt have done it without you, and I hope that me writing this here helps me get through the weeks to come.

Thank you for anyone who took the time to read this and reach out.

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Hey there, @Pants. First of all, I’m so sorry about your loss. I bet your friend is super proud of you for posting on here. Secondly, I found Heartsupport through August Burns Red/Jake like you did and I’m super glad you found your way here, friend.

I can’t even imagine how difficult all of this was but you’re 100% right, these things have made you stronger as a person and I believe that you’ll be able to get through this extremely hard time, just as you did before. I’m super proud of you for reaching out on here today and sharing all of this.

Hold fast my friend. :hrtlegolove:

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Hi. He hears you. Also please reach out to a good grief counselor/professional if you haven’t already. My sister died in 2009. I can’t imagine a best friend though because I haven’t experienced that exactly, but I do know what grief feels like. It’s so hard, but rely on the love of others around you. Handle it positively with positive coping skills (journaling, crafting, going for a walk). But these are your activities while you rest and relax so you don’t fall back into depression. But also, you are very hurt right now and take it as slow as you need. I’m so sorry this happened though and I’m very sorry for your loss, he sounds like a good friend. My sister died from an accident too. It’s crazy it’s so unexpected, I expected her to walk into our house like nothing ever happened for a few weeks and over a year it settled. Take your time. Feel are your feelings. Do not have survivors guilt.

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Feel all* your feelings*

hey ! im so so sorry for your loss , my best friend committed suicide a fee years ago as well. I know how alone you can feel. I am here if you need any help!
With love,
Bianka❤️

Hi @Pants ,

The HeartSupport Houston team responded to your post here. We hope our words and presence help and support you through this.

Here is a link to Jake’s devotional Mountains.

Hold Fast and lean on our community friend.

Dear @Pants,

I’m so very sorry for your loss. This is so brutal and my heart goes out to you. It sounds that your friend and you were a pillar of strength for each other. It’s unfair to lose such an important part of your own world suddenly… As our friends said here, there is no doubt that he’d have been very proud of you for reaching out as you did here. You’re not alone. We’re standing by your side, thinking of you and your friend. Know that even if we are yet to know, you have an entire community that you can lean on, especially during such difficult times. You matter to us. How you feel is important.

:hrtlegolove:

@Pants

I’m truly sorry for your loss.
Since you have some recovery in your history you know the blows and setbacks that come with battling addiction. Loss is different.
Your loss is so very recent, I wonder that you can put two sentences together. Give yourself time. You’re going through an experience like no other, and you will feel many different emotions, even many different emotions all at once. It is what happens in the face of devastating loss. You’ll go through the stages of grief, some you may skip, others you may stay in for awhile. Grief is a process.
Try not to place expectations on Yourself, try to be gentle with YOU. You’re hurting, and it’s okay to acknowledge the pain, and loss.
In the depths of loss it is almost impossible to think that you’ll Ever feel differently, but you will. You will think of your friend, and your friendship, and be happy that you were able to experience him in your life. The pain and loss will be replaced by the love you shared. Again, I’m very sorry for your loss, and I hope with all my heart that you are gentle with YOU in your grief. Peace

I know this is difficult, but we are all here for you. One very important thing that helped me last year when my best friend died after battling leukemia is talking to the ones i trusted. They were there when I asked for advice, they were there when i just wanted to be heard and they were there when I needed to cry. When it feels like hope is the most impossible to muster up, do it anyway. It could be hope in yourself, your family, your faith. Always remember that there is hope and there are people who love and care about you!

At this point (almost a year now) I can say that it is stupid difficult, especially when your are so close to someone. But you can make it through. I can remember days where the memories and thoughts hurt more than they helped but shutting them out and not dealing with my feelings and the situation does not help. it is unhealthy. Allow yourself time to grief in a healthy way and when it becomes too difficult, try to find someone to help you sort your feelings. All of us on the HeartSupport wall are here for you. and I’m sending love and hugs your way, and if you are okay with it prayers too.

Wishing you all the love and support,
VW

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