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Loss of my self

I can’t keep myself together… it’s 1:30 am my wife and child are sleeping… and I’m crying again… I’ve always struggled with depression, happiness… I seemed happy was good at pretending. I even fooled myself. This time it’s different. I lost something so dear to me 10 months ago and it’s broken me down so much I’m not strong anymore. I lost my hand… And I can’t keep pretending that I am okay… I’m not fooling anyone. everything I was good at my hands played the main part The things I would do to feel better … my hobbies, my passions and career . I feel this depression engulfing me, swallowing me. My wife thinks I hate her and the sympathy of my family has Disappeared and now it has just become annoyance. I am so angry… and I can’t help it god I am so angry … and sad … broken … and it’s effecting them… I can see them getting tired… I am also tired… so tired physically mentally emotionally… I just want my hand back…I don’t know what to do anymore…

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hello dear
i am so sorry for what has happened to you …
it’s not easy at all be honest with yourself and your family let them in
i know it’s hard for you as a father i see my own father sometimes that doesn’t open his heart and keep every pain to himself but if he let us in may be we can’t do anything about it but talking about it will lift 100 pound from your shoulder
i am so sorry for what has happened to you truly am but this is not the end of the world there are thousends of ways you can get whatever you used to do back hundreds of professional athletes with same conditions don’t give up
talk about it get help from a psychologists or a therapist no one can criticize your condition or the way you feel alright?..
if you needed some one to talk to i would be really glad sir
take care

First off, welcome to HeartSupport!

Losing your hand would be undoubtedly difficult for anyone. Having depression before that would make it doubly hard to cope. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now. You literally lost an important part of yourself.

This may not be the comforting advice you want to hear, but you need to find your identity again. Who is @LeafyGreens? Is he a guy who used to have two hands? Is that all there was to you? Is that how you’d introduce yourself to a stranger? I’d guess no. You’re a husband and father and relative. You had a career and hobbies and passions that were interesting. You’re religious/atheist/agnostic. You’re introverted or extraverted, analytical or intuitive, a planner or a free spirit; I don’t know all of that about you, but that’s who you are. You lost a hand, and that’s made things difficult. However, you are not simply a guy with one hand. It’s a circumstance, not a core part of who you are.

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