Lost and alone

I live in a house with 5 other family members. Yet I am totally alone. I get cut off in conversations constantly, I try to share things only to receive one word responses or none at all. I try to make plans with my own siblings, yet they bail on me. I wonder, if I just go, just disappear, would they even notice? I guess joining this site and posting shows I still have some will to keep going. But the weight gets heavier every passing day, and I don’t know how much longer I can go.

Evan

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Hey @ecs95, thank you so much for being here and sharing. That takes a lot of strength and I am truly grateful that you are here.

I am so sorry that you are going through this, that is so tough. I have been in similar situations where it felt like my family or friends didn’t really want me around or didn’t like me as much as my brother or other friends. That can be such a lonely and dark place, so I feel for you.

I want you to know that you deserve better than that. There are people out there that care for you, myself included even though we have never met. This community is glad that you are here. Please feel free to direct message me if you would like to talk more or hear more about my experiences as I would love to talk more with you.

Thanks again for being here. You are not alone.

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Brandon,

Thank you so much for replying. I woke up to no responses and I about did a backflip when you did. I’m still trying to figure out how to message privately on here, but once I do I would love to talk with you.

Evan

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Being alone in your family is really hard. People do hurtful things, and those of us on the receiving end are left wondering … most of the time, we take it very personally. It is Me, I am the problem. What could be the reason if it isn’t me?
When you’re being excluded, it is easy to think this way, exclusion is very personal. However, what I see here, is a sensitive person, who values family, and sharing, someone who feels deeply the hurt of exclusion. Be gentle with yourself, and love who you are. Appreciate your ability to understand how hurtful this behavior is, and love yourself by doing things with people that respect and value you. I hope you stay true to the person you seem to be.

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Its true, I tend to be sensitive. But its just who I am. I try to embrace it. I fully believe in treating others the way you want to be treated. Only I do this and I don’t get that same treatment back. It kills me. I wonder, if they don’t care when I’m here, would they care if I’m gone? I want to keep going, a part of me wants to keep going, but another part is telling me, “you’ve seen and heard all you need to.” Its ripping me apart. I wish I could escape my own head.

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If you look in the mirror are you looking at you or your reflection?

We can only change ourselves, no one else, waiting, hoping for others to be what you want them to be will not lead to happiness, being who you want to be, living a life true to yourself, realizing your own amazing gifts, and abilities by looking inward and trusting that you matter is the path to happiness.

I would encourage you to NOT view yourself as a reflection of what another person sees, Look into yourself, learn who you are, and if you are a good person, you will find a good person. If you are a sensitive person, you will find a sensitive person, if you care for others, that is who you’ll find, when you acknowledge your truth, how other people respond to you, will tell you more of them and where they are in their journey than anything about you. You’re already in a place of questioning, which is a place to begin to discover who YOU are… and I hope your true worth.

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I know what it’s like to not fit in with my family. They’re not bad to me, I just tend to be the odd man out. I get talked over, people’s eyes get glassy when I do talk, and I get “lovingly” picked on, which as I’ve gotten more aware of my feelings I realize eats at me. I brought it up with my therapist. He said “well, are they technical? Analytical? Etc etc? Well then they’re not like you, and that’s just how it is.” It didn’t seem helpful at the time, but they’re not so different from any other arbitrary peer group. I am who I am, I’m not like the rest of them, and that’s just the way it is.

On further reflection, I realize that everyone in my family is different, and at odds with everyone else in their own ways. I don’t hold the monopoly on not belonging. In a sense, none of us belong. We’re all different, all weird, all annoying and annoyed and confident and insecure in our own ways. We’re not a team that was built and trained together, we’re people and spouses who are tied together by chance. We didn’t choose each other, but here we are. Some families are healthier than others, but maybe family is what you make of it.

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Maybe that’s the root of all this. I can’t come to terms with the fact that I might be cut from a different cloth. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

I need to work on realizing this and find out how I can use that to better my situation. I will try my absolute best.

Thank you so much for responding. I really hope this can help me.

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Remember to focus on your identity. You are more than just your role in the family dynamic. That has played a part in you becoming who you are, but it is not who you are. You are your own person, with your own feelings and interests and quirks. “mismatched family member” isn’t part of your “about me” section.

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I understand you, and thank you for sharing. I just moved with my partner in his country. And I feel so alone, feeling like I’m not welcome to the family. They all badmouth me even I do everything I can to help them, made me as their cleaner, baby sitter, cook everything but they can’t seem to accept me.

What I can say is, please hold tight. I do believe that this is just a phase. We both will get through this.

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