Before today I’d cut occasionally to get my mind away from other triggering topics… Usually I wouldn’t do more than 5 cuts, as of today I did 20 one for every year I’ve been on this terrible planet. I was slowing down and had almost stopped but this past week has been draining, there’s very rare occasions when I avoid topics, this past week has been nothing but the topics I wanted to avoid. Try to watch TV there 2 of three topics, listen to music another topic, talk to friends support them but another fucking topic I’m trying to avoid. It’s one after another.
Are you seeing a therapist? It sounds like you have a lot of triggers, so many in fact that you need to find some means to desensitize yourself. That may take a significant amount of time. In the meantime, look for an alternative response to your triggers. If you had one or two triggers, perhaps you could avoid them, but you have a lot of them.
You are at risk of infection and causing more than the intended amount of injury.
You are also very brave to come here and share this part of your life.
I’m no expert on SH, but I do think if you can spend time with someone who makes you feel comfortable during those times when you feel most likely to do SH, might help.
SH is a symptom of or related to something else in your life. Getting help with those issues is an important part of emotional healing.
The world is terrible, beautiful, daunting, and if you’re in the right place, inspiring. You have experienced the terrible part. Experiencing the better parts is inevitable, sooner or later.
Take care, Wings
I am no seeing a therapist, I’ve been looking for one for a while. I have three topics that trigger me, every time I’m trying to avoid them they are all I hear about. I’ve been doing this on and off for 5 years, I’ve never gotten an infection and never cut anything I didn’t intend to. I’ve tried spending time with people when it gets bad but it gets so bad when I shut down and sh and something else is on repeat in my head to the point I feel crazy. Pain has been the only way to avoid a worse outcome, I’ve done some bdsm stuff and it had helped in the past but my new partners seem scared.
A therapist once forbade me to think about monkeys for a day. The result: I kept having thoughts about monkeys. Triggers are a bit like that. Try to avoid them, and it seems they present themselves more often.
Maybe this can help:
Yea I get that, if you’re trying to avoid something it’s going to show itself everywhere. But the day I got news about my partner being pregnant I tried to drown out the worried thoughts by watch a TV show I’d been binge watching for weeks and guess what, right after i was told, 2 of the main characters found out they were pregnant… And right as I’m in the middle of dealing with my mental health, a friend called me saying they just tried to attempt, and we sat and talked for 4 hours but that was another I was avoiding bc I had thoughts about it the day before. Like seriously everything is opposite. The girl that shouldn’t be able to carry children, medically, gets pregnant. Like what the hell kind of opposite world have I been living in. Oh and I just added 5 more to what I did yesterday sitting in the same bed as my partners, just to see if they’d notice. They didn’t.
Sometimes when people can’t face an issue or don’t know how to respond to it, they simply go into denial and ignore it. I suspect they don’t know how to respond to your SH, so they’re simply not responding. You really do need to be in touch with someone who is qualified to talk with you about it.
We’ve talked about it before, and one of them had said that they don’t want me to do it alone. He said “do it with me there at least” so I did. I’ve been trying to find someone to help me but everything costs money and I don’t even have a job anymore
Are you in the States? Most states have a law that says if you meet their criteria for mental health, you can get free services. I can’t afford that stuff either, but it’s free for me in Calif. I have a psychiatrist and I just went thru a very intensive group therapy program that lasted for over 2 months.
So, if you’re in the states try calling your state’s Behavioral Health Dept to get a free psych evaluation to see if you can get free therapy and other services to help you.
Also, the United Way has 211 which you can call. They have a lot of resources and might be able to find something to help you.
There IS help out there for you.
I don’t even know where to start. I’m in Florida btw.
Look up your behavioral health dept. for the county you’re in and get the phone number and tell them what you need. Just type “behavioral health dept for your county” in google and you should get results.