I write this after a night out with friends. Full of fun laughter and good times. Unfortunately for me it’s just a show and I’m truly miserable. I want someone to share my life with, to enjoy things with. But I know it’s not time. I want to have it now, but I know I’m not ready to deal with it all again. Last relationship ended Aug 2017, and since then it’s just been my thoughts and I. At times I see the goodness of being just with myself, but at others it’s an endless cycle of hurt and self doubt. I may not be the best looking person or the most out going, but I like to think maybe there is someone out there for me.
It’s hard to try and rationalize the thinking of don’t rush and wait, when the lives of those around you seem so perfect and happy. All the while your alone amidst your own thoughts trying to find what’s wrong with you. I know I need to work on some things, but it doesn’t help. I’m not ready, but I so desperately want to be right now. Yet I also know bringing someone else into my life now wouldn’t make it better. It’s this cycle of I want it but know I shouldn’t, and I needed it but can’t do it mentality. Not really sure what I’m writing exactly, but I needed to get my thoughts out here for clarity. How do I deal with loneliness while trying to become the person I want to be so I can fulfill these desires in the future?
Thank you for sharing. Sometimes it’s important to let our thoughts out of our minds. I hope it helped you a bit to post this message.
It is very thoughtful and brave to acknowledge that you’re not ready yet to be involved in a new relationship. That you need time for yourself so you can heal from you past experiences. I understand that it can be hard not to rush when you’re divided between what you think you can do and what you’d like to do. It’s only my opinion, but I think that in those moments our intuition and self-awareness works pretty well if we listen enough to it. Deep inside it seems that you know, you feel that you’re not ready yet. This voice has a reason to be. And that’s okay.
What remains important is that you don’t lose sight of the fact that this isn’t about how you look or who you are. It just takes time to grieve a relationship. And there is someone out there for you undoubtedly. It’s only a matter of time friend, for you to heal and for opportunities to appear.
I don’t know the lives of people around you but I can tell you that their life isn’t perfect. We all carry our own burdens, our own struggles, but we don’t necessarily let them appear in front of others. Also when we’re struggling, we might be tempted to only see the positive in other’s lives.
It’s okay to take your time. Otherwise if you rush it might do more harm than good to you and you won’t reach what you’re actually looking for.
Give yourself the grace and time that you need friend. You’ll get there. Because you are strong. Because you’ve got worth and value just by being you.