I know that my relapse is not the end. I know I can make it back there. But I don’t know how I lived like this for so long. I don’t know how I lived being so depressed.
I feel numb. I just want to sleep all day. I have suicidal thoughts often. I am going to try and get a refill for my birth control tomorrow. I need this depression to stop. I can’t take it.
The hardest part is I feel so alone even though I am not. I have went to the people who I know care and they say they are there for me but I still feel so alone. I feel lost and tired and like I’m alone in this fight, like I’ve messed up too much and this was the last straw and I’m alone.
Even though I’m not.
I don’t want to talk about things anymore but I know I need to or else I just stay depressed and I don’t work to fix anything.
I’m so freaking depressed. I can feel it weigh down my body again and my mind. I feel so alone, even though I am not.
I know exactly what you mean. I’ve spent most of my life depressed and growing up, I had a lot of reasons I could account for as to why I was feeling this way but as an adult, I have this amazing life and people who really care about me and love me but somehow I still feel alone. It’s rough to feel so down and have the rational side wonder how I could be depressed at all. Most times nothing works except that I try to concentrate on knowing I don’t have reasons now to feel so down and to focus on knowing it is a chemical imbalance in my brain causing me to feel so low. Even though it doesn’t take the depression away, it helps me to focus on knowing it is not my fault or something I have done wrong. I wish I could help you feel better but I know nothing really can but to try and realize you will get through it and to focus on the people who love you and not that terrible voice inside your head.
I get the feeling from reading your post that you may also be experiencing anxiety. Give it a try to breathing exercises, things like meditation, yoga, pilates might give you some sort of calm and self conscious that will help you deal with these mental states.
As for you “feeling alone” i think it’s true, i mean, aren’t we all alone? you and only you are experiencing your depression, not for that your the only one going trough one, you know what i mean?
Don’t wall yourself from people that is opening their arms to you, because one day when you don’t struggle anymore with depression you’ll look back and be grateful to those that were there for you.
Also, don’t be so severe with yourself, because you are not to blame for feeling like you do, what i mean is don’t you just want to be happy like everyone else? If so if you could stop having these thoughts and bad emotions wouldn’t you just do it? It’s my opinion but i think we are not in control of all our thoughts and sometimes the bad ones pop up making us feel terrible and we just gotta get trough them, hold on you know.
Lyss, you beautiful human being you. You are such a gem to this world and you are valued so much to me and many others. I know that this time of year is rough for a lot of people and adjusting is intense. It seems like when you say you’re lonely its almost like you are homesick despite being at home which is something I relate to a lot.
You’re not alone in your struggles, I know i’ve done bad about keeping in touch with you like I said I would. You’ve got this, my dude. I’m proud of you for how far you’ve come since we first met and you have so much potential I am so excited to see where life takes you. You are loved by so many and you are wanted by so many and so many people are so proud of you.
Hold fast, you can get through this.