Sometimes when we’re struggling we can’t help but being focused on ourselves. Because we have to deal with difficult feelings, thoughts, emotions so we might not be really available for others. It can be perceived by others as selfishness while it’s not. It’s just normal. And the balance between the time you take for yourself and others can be quite difficult to find. There’s no doubt you are a caring person and willing to be sure that your beloved ones are okay. Thank you for that. They are lucky to have you by their side.
Do you think this person you mentioned is aware of how you feel? This hopelessness? Outside honest communication, it can be hard for them to even see it, even if maybe you wish they’d be able to understand without having to explain it. Even if it’s a bit uncomfortable to share about how you feel, it can be great to do it. Because a lot of misunderstandings are due to a lack or unclear communication. There’s no one to blame for this. It’s just how it is sometimes but thankfully it can be changed if that’s something you’d like to try.
In the time I have been writing this I saw HeartSupport’s post on Twitter a little bit ago “You are a beautiful song” and it hit to the core of everything I have been trying to deny that I feel.The tears sure came and I was reminded I have some amazing people here that really do care. Yes I’m still a mess right now but that post saved me from surrendering to the hopelessness for now. I’m just so tired. What if it is not meant for me to have a happy ending.? Is it just something I have to accept?
I guess the Twitter thing is related to a motivational video @Danjo made a few time ago. It also brought me to tears when I watched it. It’s beautiful but also very thoughtful. I’m glad to hear that this message helped you to realize that you’re important friend. That’s awesome. Sometimes we need this kind of reminders.
Also those questions hits home. I’ve been feeling hopeless back and forth for the past few months because of issues related to health, and all the life/death stuff/worries that implies. It’s been a rollercoaster of bad/good news since then. Very recently I learned that there is a genetic anomaly in my family. Not going into details ‘cause it’s not interesting but there is a chance I inherited the same and there’s this really unwanted disease that might develop over time, something that can’t be cured basically. Since I know about that I feel hopeless again while I was getting better a few days before. Because just the possibility of it becomes more real and it impacts the way I see my future.
By sharing this I just wanted to say that when you’re overwhelmed by things that lead you to hopelessness, even if you try not to think about the worst scenarios possible, well… it’s just hard not to think about it and question life itself. We’re humans and we consider every possibilities. But when you feel this heaviness on your chest, you can have also this fog all around you that prevents you to think clearly.
Your questions, doubts and worries are entirely valid and real. But what’s also real is that: we don’t know. We don’t know how our future will be, if we’re gonna have a happy ending or not. There are certainly unexpected events that will still appear. But as long as we’ve got breath in our lungs we can still do our best to keep going on and give life a try. Just because we are alive and we have to see how it goes by ourselves so we can know. It might feel hopeless right now. Like it’s gonna be like this forever, especially if you’ve been feeling like this for a long time. But a feeling isn’t meant to last forever. You’ll certainly encounter positive opportunities in your life, meet wonderful and inspiring people, try new things, fail at some and succeed at others. And through all of those experiences you’ll keep growing. Even right now.
I understand why you are tired. And that’s okay. You have the right to be tired, to sit for a while and just wait. It is also part of being strong to slow down, to share about how we feel and ask for help. And as it sounds that you’re not supported by your family for the moment, then know that you have a family right here in this community. We’re stronger together, right? You’ll get through this friend. I believe in you.
Just to finish on that… recently I recalled a quote from Tolkien that I shared with a friend and I’d like to share it with you here:
“All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost.” You might be wandering friend, but you are not lost even if it feels like this right now. You’ll realize it as soon as this fog will go away. And through the adversity you are still loved unconditionnally. Always.
Sending love your way. And yes, you are a beautiful song.