Last thing before I go. I can’t stop thinking about this, I keep blaming myself because it’s true it is my fault. I had my feeling of needing to hurt myself for people to care, so I did. I cut myself at work, but then I lied and told them I just fell. The next day I felt so bad about the lie, and the cut I told them the truth. They told me that it was okay, and they were here to support me. Then a couple days later I bought peanuts from the store I was working at, and there was glass in it. I chewed it by accident because who would think there would be glass in the peanuts, and it cut my tongue a little bit. Then I threw the glass away. By the time I was gonna tell someone I had to go back to work since I was on break when this happened. I didn’t know I could go and tell them stuff when I was about to work again, then one of my fellow coworkers told them for me before I could. Which made my managers mad, and then I had to do the whole hurt at work interview. Which I hate by the way. Then they made me dig through the trash can to find it, but to no avail, it was gone. And that also made them mad. Then after both of those incidents I had this awful feeling one of the managers hated me, but I kept quiet, while feeling awful. Plus one of my school mates work there, and she’s friends with someone who hates me, which didn’t help. So I always thought every didn’t like me there. So I started to get this isolation feeling like I had to run from everyone and everything. So I asked my mom to come pick me up, I hid out in the bathroom while she called and told them I had a migraine. Which they were also mad I didn’t tell them that. But truth is I have social anxiety and was afraid to tap to them especially after the first two accidents. Then I wanted to avoid them sitting me down and asking what happened, so I signed out and left, which I thought they knew I left anyways because one of my managers were right there anyways. But I guess they didn’t see me, and we got a call saying everyone was freaking out looking for me. Later that day I got a phone call saying they were firing me. I know that I did things wrong, not only cause of my emotions, but because of my actual social anxiety. I can’t let go of it. But everyone makes mistakes right? I just beat myself up over and over again because of this. Writing it out helps me feel better. I wrote them a letter and had my uncle give it to them since he works there, I never heard back. But that helped too. To be honest I was going to quit anyways, but it still hurts some reason. Because I know I failed. Or maybe I’m just being stupid, and need to quit always overthinking everything. Thats all I needed to say. I feel dumb ranting sometimes because it’s not important. But yeah, I hope if anyone or whoever is reading this has a great day, you deserve it.
I’m sorry you lost your job. Did they give you reasons on paper (or email) actually detailing why they fired you?
If your mum called and told them you weren’t feeling good they should’ve known you were leaving so that isn’t enough to, and each incident alone with the hurting yourself and the glass doesn’t seem enough to either, unless they’re saying it’s a health and safety risk maybe. If you were going to leave there anyway and don’t want to work there then it sounds like it’s a blessing in disguise because it doesn’t sound lik a great place for you to work at, but if you wanted to fight it you may be able to get your job back.
I totally hear you with the feeling of hurting yourself for people to care, please remember that isn’t true though and people will care about you no matter what.
I think, putting my mind into the situation you described, I would feel hurt too. Not because I’d failed, I don’t think you have failed at all, and neither are you being stupid, but because the feeling of rejection from the work place, and that’s totally normal, I think most people are scared of rejection right? Maybe this could actually end up being a good thing though.
I hope you’re feeling better soon
They just told me that the job wasn’t a good fit for me and if I wanted more info then I could contact Human Resources, but clearly the reason is because of those incidents. But you’re right, I know there is better places, and I was sad because I made a friend there, and it was okay when I wasn’t sad, or feeling like people hated me. I guess it became toxic to me and to my mental health at the time. Thank you for taking the time to reply!
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