Today was hard day at work, I lost my shit , and literally over fucking sandwiches. I must must place sandwiches and I lost my shit. It was stressful and a lot work, my co worker had get surgery and she do a lot to prepare for week she out. I felt I just snap, it not first time. I became that asshole no want to work with. I feel every job I do, I suck at it. I have dyslexia and mental slow. To be fair my co worker understand that. But every I get these feeling of pass work experience where told I was dumb, I suck my job and was be little. Then I get dark thought hurting people, out of nowhere. I told co worker I want to get revenge my pass co workers.That was not a good idea, but I got so I kick stuff, punch wall and just kept just offensive shit. I’m trying DBT coping skill and CBD gummies. But I feel it not enough.
Hey friend,
Thank you for sharing all this. Honestly, I think it’s really brave to share about what happened, especially when it’s about managing anger and dark thoughts. There can be a lot of shame and taboo around this.
I really see this contradiction between what you did and what your heart really wants. It is a hard work to manage our emotions, especially when it feels really intense, especially when we act on automatic thoughts. But you are trying, and you keep trying. That deserves to be acknowledged too.
I’m trying DBT coping skill and CBD gummies. But I feel it not enough.
I guess there are different possibilities here:
- It is enough but it would take some time before it becomes really helpful to you.
- It is not enough and maybe you’ll need to think about different strategies here, other resources to add.
I don’t know for how long you’ve been trying those, but I can understand that if you feel like you failed once then you reconsider what you’ve been trying already. I can’t tell if it’s effective or not, it’s yours to evaluate that, but it could be worth talking about this with your therapist - if I remember well the fact that you are on therapy. It can be helpful to find what suits you more.
You are aware that what happened wasn’t the right reaction. And sometimes we’re confronted to emotional triggers just like it happened to you. You are not dumb and you are not less than anyone. You shouldn’t have been treated that way in the past. It is indeed an injustice. That’s not fair.
You can still learn from that situation though. If it’s possible, maybe try to discuss with your colleagues in a time when everyone would be calm, and apologize for what happened. I hope some restoration is possible here so there’s no bad consequence in regards of your jor or your relationships at work. I hope there will be some understanding from your coworkers. And I hope you’ll try to make the best of the situation, for others but also for yourself.
Also, maybe it could be interesting to see if you can identify some kind of red flags when this kind of situation is likely to happen? Things, words, situations or people that might be triggering to you. It could be helpful for you to prevent this. Just an idea though, and maybe you already worked on that. <3
In any case, I am sorry that happened friend. But I also believe in your capacity to learn from this situation. Don’t give up on trying and maybe looking for different resources. Being aware of our mistakes is a really good thing, but don’t let this be an occasion to fall in the trap of endless shame. It wouldn’t lead to anything positive for you or anyone else.
I hope you’ll manage to get the rest you need. It sounds that your work has been a stressful place these days. Through all of this, I hope you’ll be able to treat yourself well and do what’s healthy for you.
Take care. 
Thank you micro!!! I glad you had reach out!!!