Lost myself in a mentally abusive relationship

I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for 4 years. I’ve come to realize she isn’t the person I portrayed her to be. I’ve put in every drop of effort I possibly can to help her and support her, and all she’s ever done is manipulate me, gaslight me, put her own wants and needs over my own. She’s completely broken me down that I don’t recognize myself. I have a criminal record now because she called the police on me, and now in everyone’s eyes I’m the abuser. I feel like I’m in psychosis, I have no emotions anymore, and my entire future is at stake. No one in my close circle will believe me because they don’t see that dark side of her since she masks it. I’ve just started therapy again but I could use words of encouragement or advice from anyone who has experienced this because it feels extremely isolating. I just want to know how it’s possible to heal from this and how to build my life back up after this.


Hi jivalis,
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this complex issue. It feels like what you thought was a beautiful relationship at first was really just an illusion of your partner abusing you through manipulation and prioritizing her needs over you. I can’t imagine the emotional toll that has had on you. You must feel so unheard and neglected that your concerns are basically invisible to the naked eye of others. But to further complicate this issue, your partner decided to be a false witness against you when in reality, she is the abuser. It truly is sad that the police and community don’t believe you and are willing to let your future rot. No one seems to care about, and you must certainly be fed up with the amount of support your partner is getting through deception and injustice.

I commend you for starting therapy because I know that can be a very difficult step in your emotional journey. I also applaud you for sharing your concerns on heart support. I know that you feel so isolated currently, but I and the whole community of HeartSupport have your back. We believe in you!

Hope this helps!

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I’m so sorry that you had to go through this. I’m went through a very similar thing around a month ago so you aren’t alone in this. I also lost myself in an abusive relationship. Now I’ve come to peace with my past. The most important thing to do now is focus on yourself. You used to put all this energy into your partner now start putting energy into yourself but not too much that you tire yourself. Think about ways to improve your life and do things that make you happy. Healing takes time but the more you focus on yourself the more you gain out of this experience.

I know you got this.

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It’s terrible to have your world turned upside down because of someone’s manipulation and violence. Not only you’ve lost a relationship that you were invested in, but you also have been dealing with the way people in your life would look at you and judge you. It’s such a hard place to be in - so sorry friend that you’ve experienced such loneliness lately.

Right now, you are in the middle of this giant storm, and it would make sense to feel lost, to miss a sense of direction. It might feel like there’s no end to it at the moment, but I want to reassured you, alongside our other friends here, that you will find your way through it. You’ve been experiencing a huge amount of grief and losses, and it might take time for your heart to process what happened and find peace again. When such events knock us down, it’s okay to take our time to sit on the ground before we feel able to get back on our feet again.

I’d love to encourage you like our friends above to focus on you first and foremost. To treat yourself well. To be patient and kind with your heart, for you are hurting right now, but can still take care of you. Through small gestures every day, through doing things that fill your heart with you, through having moments to fully relax and not worrying about any responsibility or commitment. Just allowing yourself to be, to feel what you need to feel, to process what happened. Therapy, in this perspective, will be a great outlet for you, and it’s amazing that you’ve decided to give it a try. Let us know how it goes?

I believe in you, friend. You will get through all of this heartbreak. :heart:

Hi Jiivalls, welcome to the Heart Support Wall! You’ve taken a huge step by reaching out.

I can relate to your situation as I’ve been in a similar spot with a past relationship. The hardest part for me was finding the courage to leave the relationship because I had reached my mental breaking point. I never went to therapy for that situation, but I still feel mentally weighed down to this day and have chosen not to date anymore. I hope that someday things will change for me again. Finding something that makes you happy, whether it’s concerts, video games, or hanging out with friends, can make a big difference.

For me, therapy involves responding to people on the Heart Support Wall and helping others because it gives me purpose. It’s great that you’re seeking professional help for your situation. Remember, if you ever need someone to talk to, the Heart Support group is always available; we’re like a big family.

Here are some things that helped me and might help you too:

  1. Music was a huge help for me, not just listening to it but also reading the lyrics. Often, lyrics can describe a situation you’re going through and remind you that you’re not alone—many people face similar challenges every day.
  2. Find your true friends—those who are there for you no matter what. I’d rather have three great friends than 30 bad ones.
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