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Lost, numb, hopeless, Depressed, / my symptoms are leaving me apathetic and empty (terrifying nightmares T.W.)

My Hallucinations are relentless, it’s gotten worse, and worse for several months now, it’s so bad to the point where I’m Hallucinating all day and all night, I keep Hallucinating some thing chasing after me with a knife and a gun, every night I have horrible nightmares about people who are hurting me and stabbing me when I wake up I Hallucinated that my door was open and something was staring at me, and on top of all that my voices are awful, I can’t sleep at night, I’ve been having terrible schizophrenic episodes that are extremely difficult to cope with and leave me feeling emotionally and mentally drained,
everyone around me thinks that I’m doing alright and that I’m fine because I try so hard to mask my symptoms to the point where they don’t think that I need to get help or need to try different meds.

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this sounds really rough!

But why try to hide how bad it is when it’s not benefitting you?
Such hallucinations sound like something serious you should be discussing with your doctors and not hiding it. Maybe your meds need tweaking or changing to get you back to the right dose that can provide you with some relief?

If you’re not resting well, and constantly tired and afraid, that’ll make your body weak too. I really hope that you can talk to someone about it, and let them help you.

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I have to hide my symptoms because every time that I don’t mask them and push it aside I get in trouble, and tell someone what’s happening they force me to withdrawal off my meds all together.

I had a Dr. appointment yesterday, but it didn’t go so well. someone was in the Dr. office with me and the Dr. and the other person that was in the room were talking about some random stuff and I had to set and listen to them talking about stuff for about 1 hour, when I finally told the person to leave I didn’t have any time to talk to my Dr. about what’s happening to me.

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hmm it sounds like there has be some more communication. I see you mentioned schizophrenia and hallucinations. Those are complex diagnoses, and they require proper interventions and meds to manage. Doesn’t sound right that anyone else except your doc can tell you to stop taking your meds.

It also sounds like you need to make a list of your symptoms that you’re experiencing and make sure and give the doc these at the beginning of the session. Can you have another meeting with the Dr so you can mention how hard it’s been with the hallucinations?

I got so upset with how terrible my appointment was that I left without making another appointment so no there is absolutely nothing that I can do about that it’s too late now, and even if I was able to make another appointment I would have to wait for several months before I can schedule an appointment.

The way your appointment happened is indeed very upsetting, especially if you couldn’t address the things that brought you there.

It is one appointment though. It is not to late to whether take another one and wait, or to consider seeing a different doctor if this one doesn’t help you. You literally pay them to help you. If they fail at doing so, you are not required to see the same person over and over.

I understand that something upsetting like this cane make us feel like there’s no other solution anymore. But that is a reaction to the event, and not the reflection of reality. It is a all-or-nothing type of thinking. Scheduling another appointment with this doctor or another one will never be wasted because this is about you and your quality of life. It should be so much easier to get the help we need - that, I completely agree. Don’t let this frustrating experience make you give up on the possibility to get the help you need though. You deserve better. :hrtlegolove:

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Thanks, I appreciate it.

I’m just sick of not being able to sleep at night because of being constantly stressed out and having terrifying nightmares and hallucinations.

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i agree with Micro, you have to make sure that you’re being heard, and make sure that the appointment that was made for you is used to help discuss your issues.

I’d encourage you to make a new appointment or see if there is another doctor whom you can see. You’re the patient here, and you deserve your doctor to hear you and see you, and provide that support. Wishing you well friend!

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I told my grandma what happened at my appointment on Wednesday. And she was just as upset as I was.