Love bombed

Hey all

So I went thru something recently I feel would be a good story to share on here.

For starters I am a young gay person. Decided to meet up with someone I started talking to on a website somewhere. He lives states away but still in the same time zone. He’s a elementary teacher and told me at the beginning the school year takes up a large amount of his time when it’s in session.

So being as he had a few months off for spring break, we talked almost daily for an entire month. He’d call and we’d chat on the phone for hours, often till early in the morning. The conversation flowed, everything was great. We finally made plans to meet up halfway. Had a great few days together. Checked out sights, went for dinners, visited some places and we did so together. It was about a 3 hour drive for each of us and I figured maybe one day I’d move his direction anyway as I work remote so I’m not really tied down anywhere in particular.

We get back and he keeps calling for a few more days. At this point I ask the “where are we now” question. He tells me he doesn’t see us as relationship material because apparently I ‘talked down’ to him a few times. His direct quote was “You sometimes make me think I can’t offer a reply or say something back to you”. In addition to that, we both aren’t physically near one another. So I do understand and agree with that concern.

I believe he chooses to feel this way, as often gay men do because they are terrified of any idea of commitment. They falsely think they can be with / into one person, but when reality hits, they look for any excuse out. I told him this and he didn’t react too well.

So essentially I dismissed his claim as BS. I try to be respective of how he feels, but I don’t believe it was an organic feeling, but merely to serve as an off ramp, seeing as the school year is starting up soon and he is “unavailable” during that time. It’s now been weeks and not a word without me saying something. I initiated a few times wishing him a good day and I get very dry, cold, hollow statements such as one would hear from a Customer Service chat bot: “Thanks I hope you had a good day as well”

So I was love bombed. A form of abuse in my book. We had a great time together, I saw no negatives and he’s basing his reasoning on my barking at him about something way before we even met. Since then, we did meet, spent a weekend together and I feel that is what should count the most. But even then when I pressed him on specifics while we were together, that he feels we wouldn’t be good, he reverts to generalities “Well you said this and I feel like I couldn’t say something back and it’s hard for me to mentally get past that.”

As a side note, he has two Bachelors degrees. He’s proud of that as he should be, but it comes off as t somehow he knows everything, how to interpret people. I get that ‘holier than thou’ vibe from him quite a bit, and picked it up even from the start.
I feel 1000% the more one learns from educational institutions, the dumber that makes them, as it steals away their wisdom. And the less wisdom one has, the harder they are to relate to, in my experience. Because it’s been replaced with lectures from the academics of this world. Academics are in many ways the ones to blame for many of society’s problems as they view the common man as mere serfs and uneducated because they don’t share the same absurd ideas spouted of academia.

But we share a ton in common and have similar values. And relationships aren’t cut and dry as he wants them to be. If you enjoy 60 percent of your time together, everything else I feel can be talked out like adults. Only, gay dudes aren’t adults about much at all. He says he wants to be with someone some day but I don’t see that happening for him when he’s always digging for excuses and claiming to be unavailable outside Spring break. Relationships and friendships are a 24/7/365 thing that doesn’t take time off.

He said a few weeks ago he wants to remain friends. But I’m thinking that was an empty gesture. To me, a friend is someone that’s frequently talked to, involved. He’s been absent and silent for weeks now and that’s not what I do with my friends. I take every opportunity to see how they’re doing. And I’m open to being friends but I don’t believe he understands even the basics of a friendship.

We enjoyed our time together, so I’m not getting why the excuses and why the sudden silence. Unless down is up and up is down, I truly don’t get what the problem is or how to address it with him. I also don’t get how expects to find someone better and within immediate distance and thinks critically as I do and puts 100 percent into it. It’s such a rarity anymore.

Any thoughts?

Thanks so much!

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This post was flagged by the community and is temporarily hidden.

This post was flagged by the community and is temporarily hidden.

This post was flagged by the community and is temporarily hidden.

Meeting up with someone even when you’ve been talking to them for a while can be hard. People can be a bit different in face to face interaction than they are online. It’s not always a bad thing, but sometimes it’s also something that makes us aware when we don’t quite gel.

It is a shame he feels that things didn’t go so smoothly, it’s really hard to hear someone say they just want to be friends, and often it can indeed leas to people creating a distance.

Sometimes it’s annoying and frustrating to acknowledge when there’s an incompatibility. Yes, relationships and friendships can and do take work from both people to communicate and create and accept boundaries. Unfortunately it has to take both parties willing to do that.

I hope that as you continue to talk with people and meet them that it becomes easier to find people who are on the same page as you and you can feel close to them

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