Back to heartsupport

Low point

So my scooter I bought to get around that I don’t drive cuz I’m a anxious mess thats too scared to leave the house by my self won’t start cuz I haven’t started it for 2 months and my brother hasent driven it longer then that and Im less effected by it not working cuz i doubt I’ll ever figure it out but more I’m upset cuz my brother is mad it dosent run and he’s saying it’s his fault which it’s not it’s my fault cuz it’s mine but like I’m just idc like i feel like I could take my life tomorrow for all I know Im surprised I’ve nearly made it to 22 and I dont know if I’ll make it to 23 everyday is a surprise I feel like it’s all pointless the only reason I’m still here is cuz I don’t like hurting people and my death would do that not cuz I value my life…I’m not like actively suicidal I just have no value for my self never had as far as I can remember and my family seems to say the same thing from their memory I never really had much in the way of excitement or value for my self

6 Likes

Usually, when scooters sit around for a while, sediment forms in the carburetor’s float bowl. If your brother is handy, he could remove and clean it. That may resolve the issue. You and your brother need to forget about the “fault” issue. Stuff happens to mechanical things. Unless you’re doing something destructive to it, there’s no need to discuss the issue of blame.

You may not be actively suicidal, but you don’t seem very happy either. I see the words “pointless” and “never really had much in the way of excitement, or value for yourself.”

Being scared to leave the house will certainly put a damper on any opportunity for excitement. However, having anxiety doesn’t decrease your value. Perceiving your own value while in isolation is difficult. We become so used to our own company, that we forget the things about ourselves that make us unique, and the things we are good at doing. We also forget about our compassion and empathy. We forget the times that others have appreciated our presence and our help.

While feeling that it’s all pointless, we are free to decide for ourselves what we want the point to be. I have chosen to make it a point to share love, have a few laughs and appreciate the good in each other, also what the world has to offer, especially animals and nature.

I hope you feel better soon, and your scooter becomes less cantankerous.

3 Likes

I’ll let him know about the float bowl when he gets home

1 Like

Hello @Derpplup

You are a caring and compassionate person. I can tell that even though you don’t care about the scooter so much, you do care about the interactions with your brother and helping him to make things better.

What kinds of things interest you? I know I used to feel so lost in my life at your age, until I started to find my hobbies and things I feel passionate about. I care about helping people and sharing things I’ve learned with others, growing plants and nurturing nature. I also enjoy browsing for designer furniture.

Maybe time to learn a new skill or new ways to connect that skill with others.

I know you are amazing. You just have to find the parts of yourself that shine like the brightest light. Remember that the brightest light does cast some shadows, so even though things feel dark today, that is not all there is to this life.

With care/Mish

4 Likes

Hi Derpplup
First of all I am so pleased that you have made it to nearly 22 and I want nothing more than for you to make it to 30, 40 and onwards with a life full of many surprises because your life is valuable, you are a very special person who is loved and important and you have so much to give. Your Scooter however I cant help you with because I really don’t know much about them.
Have a chat to your family about some extra support if you are struggling, there is no shame in that and you can post here anytime.
We are always here for you.
Much Love
Lisa. :heart:

4 Likes

hi @Derpplup ,

thank you for being here and sharing your feelings with your HS community. i am truly proud of you for making it to almost 23. there were days in my own life when i thought similar things of “this year is my last.” i’m not sure if it was a weird gut feeling or i was at a real low in life, but regardless, you are not alone, my friend. thank you for being here now in this moment with me, reading these words i’m typing for you.

when it comes to the value in your own life, i know that each of us contributes something to this world we share daily, sort of like a chain reaction. whether it’s leaving a nice comment on someone’s post, holding the door open for someone who wasn’t having a good day originally, playing with your pets, etc., you make a difference.

i value you, i appreciate you, and i love you. please never forget that you have this amazing community supporting you and wanting the absolute best for you. let me know if there’s anything i can do to help remind you of your incredible value.

love,
twix

4 Likes