In my life, I been kinda like an outcast, a loner and kinda a loser. To be honest, I had a lot things handed to me. So kinda had a easy life , so never felt I earn it.
Slots time I feel a lot people, mostly girls don’t like me and think I’m creep.
Someway, I make up stories in my head that a lot people hate me. That people in the skate scene or the metal scene or anywhere, I’m the outcast and no one is truly my friend. I believe to point where I have poor judgement, I can’t tell the difference reality and fiction. Build this paranoia around people to protect myself.
I wish that the punk rock in would say, I don’t give a shit and live my life on my own term. Sadly I care of what other people think and it make me depressed.
I’m lucky to family and few close friends, but I still feel alone without a girlfriend or a normal life.
Hey, thanks for sharing with us! You’re not alone! You’re loved! You matter! You’re cared for greatly! I grew up feeling like all those things you mentioned, every last one. I used to have a hard time distinguishing between what I perceived as bullying and what was bullying. It made it very difficult in my childhood to say the least. At times it is still difficult for me to sometimes distinguish between things such as when people are sometimes making a joke or trying to make a metaphorical example. Paranoia is very difficult, when it begins to overtake what is going on, you begin to have a rough time taking care of yourself. You are worthy of positive self-worth and one of those ways that you can easily begin to differentiate reality from non-reality would be to set a specific shower time every day. Make it a routine to get a shower at the same time, brush your teeth twice or three times a day (shower time, after lunch time and before bed). Those two things of showering and brushing your teeth will begin to help you begin to get reality sorted back in a bit more. Add a few more things slowly. Maybe one thing a week. I also would suggest you talk to your family and/or close friend(s) about exactly how you feel. They can really help encourage you a lot to get in the right direction towards getting the proper tools in place. I also highly recommend you talk to a doctor and a therapist as soon as you can about this as they can definitely be of help with a good set of mental tools for your tool belt. You are worthy of a life that is fulfilling and that is leading you in a positive direction. You are loved! You matter! You are cared for greatly!