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Marriage and Family Stress

I have been dealing with depression for a very long time, half my life now at this point, and I don’t know what to do because my husband is just adding so much stress to my life and my family has always been weird about it. I just feel so stuck because I’m constantly in need of help and don’t get any from the people closest to me. Thankfully, I have a few close friends who are actually supportive and helpful but they’re all out of state right now.
I guess I just need to vent. I’ve been in some seriously dark times in the past 13 years, like in a few different seasons made plans to end my life, and yet my family doesn’t seem to care or do anything. I had an eating disorder for years and never went to therapy and my parents just made me feel bad for stressing them out. I told my husband that I had fallen back into my habits like self harm and suicide ideation and it was getting very bad and I was having panic attacks everyday and not eating and couldn’t sleep anymore and got no reaction. Nothing. And then when I asked for help with things like dealing with the house he wouldn’t help me because he wanted to do other things. And when I reached out to my family for help in those times the biggest reaction I got was “just don’t jump off a bridge” and “did you stop taking your happy pills” and it hurts and then they dont talk to me about it after that. I just feel so alone and not supported and I don’t know what to do.
I went to therapy for a long time and had to change to a part time job because I was in danger of killing myself and now I want to get marriage therapy but was told we couldn’t afford it. But my husband can quit and not even work at all for months because he was stressed by his job and he can go to the chiropractor every week, but when I express that I need help it’s constantly shut down. I want to scream. I really just don’t know what to do anymore because I’ve tried talking to him about it so many times over the past 5 years and we have still gotten nowhere and I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I can’t talk to him or my family and I feel so alone and like nobody will listen to me or is willing to help me in my family. Thanks for reading I just wanted to share that frustration somewhere

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Hi ktStark,

first of all, i am sorry to hear that you have been through rough times. And maybe you are still in a dark place. but i hope i can help out a little. if you find some weird grammar or spelling issues, i am not a native english speaker.

So, what do you mean when you say that your husband is constantly putting more stress on you?
May i ask what both of your jobs are and how much time you have together in a day?

Take Care

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Oh my heart. I so understand. This is so similar to what my life was just 3 years ago.

I recently came out of a divorce after being in a relationship for 15 years and married for 13. There was no support in my marriage and even less in my family and his. I was always left feeling like my mental health struggles were my fault and I was dragging people down. I was looked at like I wasn’t good enough.

My ex husband was so emotionally distant. No matter how hard I tried to ask for help or how hard I tried to fix us and things around me, I was shut down one way or another. Whether simply by nothing ever changing or lack of support. It was so hard to deal with.

Like you I had good friends but all of them lived in another state. As we were a military family.

I finally sought out help but in my divorce I lost my health insurance so now I have no way to see doctors or therapists.

I hear you. I see you. I know the struggle. And I’m so sorry for what you are going through.

HeartSupport is partnered with an online counseling service called BetterHelp. If you go to their twitch page at twitch.tv/HeartSupport you will find a link in their panels to a 7 day FREE trial to BetterHelp. You do have to enter a credit card but as long as you cancel it before the 7 days they will not charge you. That’s a week of free online counseling. Where you can periodically text a real therapist or even schedule a voice call. They do offer financial aid. So if you apply you may qualify for discounts. I encourage you to try this and see if it would work for you.

They also have a book called Dwarf Planet that is a guide and work book for depression. If you follow this Link you can get a copy of it at no cost to you.

I’m really sorry about what you are facing. I so know the lack of support in family and marriage. I was there for so long. It was so awful. It breaks my heart to see that you are battling the same thing. I finally got out of my environment but I hope for you that you are able to rekindle your relationship and find ways to help improve your situation. I know it’s not easy.

You are important. You matter. And you most certainly don’t have to go at this alone. So much love to you my friend

  • Kitty
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Thank you for the reply and your English is amazing! He has told me that I have to be working a lot because of our bills and also has told me that his time is more valuable because he does things slower. So he ends up having me do a lot of the house chores like cleaning which stresses me out even more. I’ve asked for help so many times and am rejected 9/10 times for various reasons. So that’s what I mean by him adding stress to me.

I used to work 60 hours a week at my full time job and had 2 side jobs that varied in time per week, now I work 20 hours a week and the same two side jobs for about 10 hours/week. He quit his job last January and has been learning to program. He got a job last month for 30 hrs/week. We don’t spend much time together because I am always running around and he is not a morning person which is when i am able to hang out. In the evenings even if we are both home, I’m so drained.

Thank you so much for your reply and for sharing with me, it made me feel less alone this week. I’m so so sorry to hear that you’ve gone through that for so long.

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Of course! I’m always just a message away. I hope things start to look up for you