I think my wife is going to leave me… I fucked up my marriage by smoking pot behind her back. I’ve tried quitting multiples times but ended up failing each time and I think she’s just over it. Today is my 10th day sober but my wife is still unhappy with everything I’ve done and is staying a friends house with our 2year old son. She said she doesn’t know if she can do it anymore. I’m torn. I’m trying and I don’t want to lose her
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It takes time, pot won’t be out of your system for a month and to move forward does take time and most importantly self-incouragment.
Keep pushing
Yes i agree it will take time you cant force an outcome. but you also need your wife to be there for you other wise you might feel like smoking again because of whats going on which is not gonna help you but i do hope you succced with your soberity. im sorry about your marriage but your trying and you can’t blame yourself
Now might not be the right time, but hopefully she’ll cool off and y’all can talk. I’m sure she’ll have plenty to say, and you’d do well to actively listen. When she finishes a thought, respond with “so what I’m hearing you say is ____,” and that gives her the chance to affirm or further clarify her point. Most importantly, don’t spend your listening time crafting a response or retort! Listen, understand what she’s saying, then check that understanding with her at the end of clauses. She may have some ugly things to say, but now is not the time to strike back. Let them roll off you, and address those ugly things later.
When it’s your turn, just be honest with her. Why do you smoke pot? Do you REALLY want to stop? Can you stop on your own? Do you need her to be an encouraging accountability partner? What are you willing to do to stop? Think of ways to open up dialogue with her, because smoking pot “behind her back” has less to do with the pot and more to do with trust.
My wife thought my pot smoking was a bad habit she could deal with, but about a year in she decided she doesn’t like it. She asked me if I’d be willing to stop or if it was an important part of my life that she’d just have to get over, and when she put it like that the answer was pretty clear. Prior to that though, she said that she’d deal with it as long as I didn’t try to hide it from her. It goes back to trust. If she figures out I’m smoking pot behind her back, it begs the question what else am I hiding, and how is she supposed to believe me when I say “nothing”?