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Married and lost

I am 37 and married. I feel so lost and stuck right now. I feel alone even when surrounded by people. I don’t feel anything but loneliness and sadness. I don’t know if this is a personal problem or if it is my marriage.

Hey @NoOneReally,

Thank you for being here. :two_hearts:

First of all, I want to let you know that you are not alone, friend. We all go through moments in our lives when we feel lonely or stuck for different reasons. This situation is not meant to last and I hope that by writing here you will receive some enlightenments from this community.

I don’t know your personal situation, but if you feel lonely in general, then maybe it’s beyond your marriage. However, the fact that you are wondering about this can be significant. Has anything happened recently in your relationship that would give you that feeling of being alone? Have you had the opportunity to discuss these feelings with your partner?

I’m glad you wrote this post here and I thank you for this. Feel free to explain a little more about your situation so that we can see together how this community can help you.

Much Love. :two_hearts:

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Thank you for responding. I didn’t know if anyone would. Nothing significant has happened necessarily, just more of a build up of thing. We didn’t live together the first 2 ¹/² years of the marriage. He stayed an hour away with his Dad. He wasn’t going to leave his Dad’s house so I moved in there. His father passed away before Christmas that year we stayed at that house until the summer but couldn’t afford to stay because it needed too much work. We moved back to where I was living… with my mom. He still worked an hour away so he either made the drive every day or he would stay in town. He works closer now but he is always at work it seems like. Our anniversary is in December it will be 8 years. We are in an apartment now but it took me wanting to leave about 10 months ago for us to have our own place. We got an apartment in February and things were okay. But he never helped me unpack and make it ours. Now I feel like I want out again, and now he wants to try to help again. I don’t know what to think. I don’t know how I am supposed to feel or react to this.

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Hey @NoOneReally - When I was 33, I was in a similar situation. I felt myself getting more and more lost and depressed and feeling so lonely and isolated. I took a risk and started therapy - online first. We worked through lots of things there, with the goal of discovering where these feelings were coming from. It was SO incredibly beneficial. For me, it did end up being my marriage. It wasn’t at all what I thought - I assumed it was me or my career or my other relationships… but having someone to help go through those layers to find the source was imperative to me getting on a path to get well again. If this is possible for you, I highly suggest it. An outside perspective can change everything.

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Thank you so much for the suggestion. I want to try therapy but I feel like it is something I need to do alone so I know I can handle it on my own. I don’t want to rely on my husband or someone always being there. I want to leave but he wants me to get help first. I don’t feel anything for him right now. I don’t know that I will feel the same after. I don’t know if I should stay and get help or do it the way I want to and go back to my moms and focus on me. (And my daughter) I don’t know who I am and I need to know because I know something is not right with me. Not sure if you have an opinion on that or not but feel free to share. The stress of all of this has started causing migraines. More so when I am around him. I am sure it is because I am scared to hurt him. I like to care more about other people’s feelings rather than mine.

This sounds so much like me. I started having skin issues because of all the stress and worry about everything, even though I knew I had to leave. I agree - go to therapy alone first. It helped me figure out what I wanted to say and my own emotions. I went for three sessions alone, then my husband came… We tried for several months to understand each other but it never happened. I wish you the best in this. Take care of yourself. Life is too short to spend it being unhappy and only worrying about someone else’s feelings. Yours deserve attention, too.