So, I’ve had three attempts this year. I don’t know if I’ve learned I can’t or don’t really want to do it properly, or if I’ve gotten better each time. I just no I’m so damned tired. I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m sick of causing chaos when I try and fail. I’m sick of causing chaos when I call a line for help and the police come to the house. Truth is, I don’t know why I’m asking for help again. I feel I’m where I was when I attempted last time, but I’m done with pills. And I’m tired of everything. One one year after retirement from the USAF. There’s no help.
Hey, just saw your post and wanted to say hi. Sorry its so bad right now. Pills are the worst, ive been on them about half my life. You were in the air force?
Ive never attempted, but i struggle daily with it.
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Well, the last time, my ex told me to take the pills when I was down, and I did. That’s when I figured my sister was right, that she was keeping me down, but here I am.
I feel like, this time, the day after Thanksgiving. I’ve never planned it. But I’m hosting, and I don’t want to ruin it. This time, I’m going with a gun. I don’t want more years.
If you need someone, I’m here. I know what that feels like. It is heartbreaking. But you’ll make it through. Reach out if you need someone to talk to.
Hi @Angryjester,
You’re calling for help because you need it and you absolutely deserve it. You deserve to feel better, to be surrounded by people who love you and support you. I know this is an online community and we’re not talking directly. But despite the technical aspects, we’re here for you. You are not alone.
I’m sorry life is getting so hard for you right now. But I’m so glad you’re still here with us despite everything that happened. Thank you for being here. You’ve got breath in your lungs, friend, this is not a dead end for you. If you’re overwhelmed, let us be the shoulder you can rest on. Nothing is set in stone right now. And I want you to be here with us after Thanksgiving.
I’ve been through the same for the last few months, and I planned things too. Sometimes it’s still hard to get over it and not to think about it. But to keep fighting is worth it. And this community happened to be an unexpected light in the dark. I want you to have the occasion to feel the same. Fight against those thoughts as much as possible. Push them away. You deserve much better.
What are the resources available for you right now? Even the smallest ones. Even those which may sound silly at first. Take you time to think about it. It can be hard to think clearly or in an objective way when we’re suffering, but you can do this. We’re here to think about it with you and help as much as we can. And what about your sister? Does she knows about your struggles?
Write as much as you need. Share anything you want. We’re here for you and want you to stay safe.
Hold fast. 
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