Maxwell's Journal #2

[Max]

Well, today has been much better I guess. I’m enjoying some mcr, feeling a little off- I’m not sure how to explain it- and working on work. I wrote a song yesterday… and I don’t really like it but I’m not sure what else I can do about it. I feel like something’s off. There’s someone I really like but he’s straight and I’m not sure how he would feel about me…I feel alone and I don’t know how to shake this feeling. Like, nothing’s wrong I should feel happy. But I feel pathetic, I feel worthless. I feel like I’m wasting my life …I’m not sure how to deal with these feelings in a healthy way. I’m afraid that I’m gonna end up relapsing or worse. No matter what I do I will always have this reminder of what my life is like. I can eat healthy, I can achieve my 7 life goals, I can do everything good but I will still feel like this. I will still be reminded of this and I’m sick of fighting…

I feel so sad now.

[blini]

Imagine a very dear friend of yours, whether it’s a real one or someone you make up in your mind. Imagine they approach you and share with you their deepest feelings. They tell you they are very desperate, that they feel worthless, and a deep sadness and loneliness. They are very hard on themselves, beat themselves up for feeling this way.

How would you react? What would you tell them? Think about it for a minute. And then go back and read what you tell yourself for feeling this way. Would this be what you’d tell your friend?

@Max

I will still feel like this

Now, I don’t know what you’re referring to in these last sentences, but simply looking at the quote, you’re making a prediction about how you will feel in the future. The situation you’re in right now is how it is. That’s okay. Not in a sense of “great, let’s celebrate” but in a sense of accepting it. If you think now that it will never get any better, you create even more suffering in the present moment - by believing something you don’t even know. That’s why it’s important to focus on the present and to not make predictions of your future emotional landscape.

@Max

I feel so sad now.

Sending you some more hugs, and, maybe, you want to give this very sad part of yours a compassionate hug as well. You’re loved.

[Max]

Wow. I never looked at it like that.
Thanks for taking the time to reply! I will definitely try to be more positive. I love how you put it this way- talking to myself how I would help a friend. Thanks again for talking to me, I appreciate it so much! Have a great rest of your day! <3