So this is more something that I want to get off my chest than anything else… and maybe also ask if there are others who feel this way.
Lately I’ve been struggling a lot again with wanting to self harm again. I haven’t done it for over 227 days so far. One of the standard things I do at the end of the day now is that for every day that I don’t harm I add a star in my jar. I have lucky star paper, I add an affirmation, good memory or wish on it, and then I fold it into a star and add it to the jar. On harder days, I can get one out and read them.
But that’s not the thing I wanted to bring up… What I wanted to bring up is that on hard days, there’s not a lot that works… That calms me down, and honestly the only thing that keeps me from harming myself is that fear that I won’t be able to get back up again if I fall down… Last time was really hard to get back up and I’m not sure if I can go through that again… It also makes it kind of feel like the days that I haven’t harmed are not real. This is bs, I know… but the feeling is still there… So I guess I’m kinda wondering if others also feel like this sometimes… and what do you do to get through that?
Something has worked well enough for you to be SH free for 277 days. Congratulations!
Yes, it’s a feeling that is denying the reality of what you’ve accomplished. However, the absolute reality you’ve worked hard to create is the ability to avoid SH. Now you have to ask yourself, do you believe in your history of success, backed by real world evidence, or fear that you can’t do what you’ve already accomplished?
I had something to overcome, a long standing habit that was ruining my health. I did overcome it, but I did feel as though it would be hellish if I “fell off the wagon,” as it would erode confidence in my ability to overcome it again. For years after getting past the habit, I’d have dreams in which I had fallen off the wagon. The dreams troubled me for a while, but eventually I just thought “screw it,” I’m not going to worry about them any more. After that the dreams became increasingly rare. Now I can’t remember the last time I had one.
The affirmations in the jar is a wonderful idea. Don’t stop doing that!
That it would be really hard to get back up, is a real problem, but it’s a mistake to be afraid that you will fall down. The ability to remain strong can be undermined by fear of failure. You don’t need the fear. You need to remain aware of your success, and your willingness to grow ever stronger in your determination. You have reached a point in which you KNOW that you don’t need SH in your life.
Thanks for sharing your question and feelings. Stay in touch.
Hi Nyntje,
thank you for sharing this. anytime you can reach out, anything for you. you are awesome.
you haven’t harmed yourself 227 days in a row ? look at that, how amazing is that. you can be so proud of yourself.
i am totally, and we are all. we are all so proud that you are a big part here.
coping and overcoming things are often hard. too hard, too many times. we all struggle with that in our own ways.
you are still growing, you are still on your journey through life and life is hard.
the jar you are doing, is a wonderful idea. thank you for sharing that. you deserve that. you can do that !
try new stuff, try new things out. then you might find new ways. there is always something new we can and should
explore through our lives. and besides that, you have so many friends here, that are there for you and that, when
you need someone are there for you. You are loved Friend, Neighbor. you matter most ! 
feel hugged
From: Manni XP - Snow Edition
Hey, thanks for sharing! First of all, that star jar is a really cool idea! You mention that not a lot works for you on hard days, and I can relate to that. If the stars help you at all, though, then that may be a clue towards more things that may help. I don’t know that an instacure exists, but I believe that if you identify a bunch of small things that help in little ways, then you can build up an arsenal for making it through!
From: ManekiNeko
first wow, what an accomplishment! I think you can be so proud of yourself as we all are! I think we all hold those fears from various things in our lives. The fear of perceived failure, the fear of not being able to get back up, the fear of losing ourselves. Fear can be a powerful tool, but does it come on its own to haunt or does it come as a complimentary focus with the positive outcomes? I love your star in a jar! I love it because it gives you something to refocus on and to feel empowered by.
maybe you can find some ways that being free from SH has positively affected you? For example, has it improved your mental health and your perspective on your self worth? Has it made you feel less controlled by those negative thoughts and emotions?
we love you nyn! You’re doing such amazing things x
From: eloquentpetrichor
Hey there, my friend 
227 days is an amazing accomplishment and I am so proud of you for that. 
We’re missing you in SWAT, but I’m glad you are choosing to focus on yourself today.
I’m sorry that you’ve been having hard days lately and that sometimes fear is the only thing that can stop you. But in a lot of ways fear is our natural instinct kicking in in order to protect us. It definitely isn’t something you want controlling you or making you feel bad but fear is sometimes a good thing and right now it seems to be protecting you until you can find other means of protection.
I love your stars and how you use them to help you and I’m so glad they help you so much. Maybe you can find a secondary method as well that can help you even more on those really hard days. Something that will help protect you so that your instincts don’t use fear as much to do so. Maybe a book or your art or music or something like that.
I hope you can find something. Good luck, dear friend, and I look forward to hearing from you again soon