I’m just at my rock bottom and I don’t know what to do.
The last few weeks I’ve just spent every waking minute wishing I wasn’t awake. I go to bed praying that God will take me home and that I won’t wake up in the morning… Then almost just breakdown when I realize I have to get through another day.
I can’t find the energy to eat, to take my medication, I can’t even find it in me to have a shower. I just don’t know how to get back up from this. I feel like I have the knowledge that things will be okay, but I can’t bring myself to rest in that knowledge. All I can think about is how much I don’t want to be alive anymore. I’m so tired, but I can’t find a way to pull myself up for long enough to do even 1 thing to help me get back on course.
I’m so desperate but I don’t know what for. Am I desperate to die? or just to feel happiness again? I want to feel like theres a person out there that cares for me and I can’t even bring myself to believe that anymore.
I don’t know what I’m looking for… I just know that all I can think about is suicide and how that’s the only answer I can see.
I just want to be happy again. Even if it’s for just 1 day.
Please don’t give up Kayla, hang in there. Seek help, support and guidance. You are worth more than you could ever imagine. Whatever brought you here will not remain. You shall live and not die. You will get better. I believe in you. Please don’t let go.
Hi Kayla - You are worth having a future. Please take your medicine - when you are in a dark place, you can’t trust your mind to steer you in the right direction. But going off meds only digs you deeper into the hole and when we feel so low our minds convince us that’s where we want to be anyway.
Please know you are worth having a life and a future. You matter. Hold fast.
Love you, Kayla. I know you’re having a hard time right now. And in the moment you may feel like you don’t want to go on, but things can get better. Happiness is a strange thing in life. We often find ourselves in so much hurt and struggle that we deep down just wish that happiness would find its own way to us. The work and effort we have to put into feeling it can be the most challenging thing. But I know that you can find that strength in you sweetheart.
I know that people like Dan, Casey and Taylor mean a great deal to you and that they bring you some sort of happiness. The people in the community love you, look up to you, inspire from you and look forward to your company on a daily basis. I know that the community we have is a small form of happiness for you. Hang onto these things and remember that you are not alone.
I often struggle with suicidal thoughts. Very frequently I wish that I wouldn’t wake up. But even more than I wish that I would just disappear…what I really wish is that I didn’t have to feel that way. That I didn’t have to feel like I want to die.
Sometimes we have to push ourselves out of our comfort zone and that can be so hard when you feel utterly like crap. But you have our support. You have our love and care. We are always here to encourage you and remind you that you got this and we got you.
Small steps sweetheart. Small goals. Be gentle with yourself. Worry about the things you can control and do what you can there, dont over stress what’s out of your control.
you are my new friend, i think we can privately dm if you would like!
kayla, i actually attempted suicide on Nov. 26th. i know what it is like to feel alone, to feel so desperately down and depressed. i have been in your exact spot/point. still kinda am, but it is okay because it will get better, i just know it. you will find your happiness again.
God gave you this life not to destroy it but to serve Him, He loves you so much and hates to see you suffer… however, i have great news for you, a day will come where you are so happy, that you will feel fulfilled. He has a plan for you…
i love youuuu and i hope you are doing alright today. i am here, do not be shy to dm me<3
~ trinity x