Mental health decline

I had nowhere else to go so I’m coming here…I have been in a bad headspace the last several days…Been feeling like no one really cares about me, No one would miss me if I ever left twitch etc. I have also been feeling like a huge annoyance to people… including my best friend.

I’m also dealing with the guilt of getting my sister sick… whenever she gets sick she gets siiick and usually that gets really rough for me… she is doing better now thank goodness but my mental state is not…ugh :tired_face:

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Thanks for coming here to talk, Andy.
I’m sorry about your sister, it must be so difficult to watch someone you love go through so much. It’s easy to feel guilty and blame ourselves for the things that happen to them. But you seem to care and love her a great deal and would never intentionally risk sharing any sickness with her. I have a person like that in my life as well, and every time they have to go to hospital it’s like a game of “are we responsible?! Did we make them do too much? Did someone pass it on to them?!”
But when I look at them having fun and enjoying being with friends and family, that’s the moments that are special and will be remembered.
I know that in such a vast forum like twitch or YouTube or whoever your platform may be, that it feels like there’s an infinite amount of people to “replace” you. That no one would notice and in a few days you’ll be forgotten. But what about in the smaller world around you? Your sister for example. I bet she loves you as much as you love her.
I know it’s hard to feel like anyone out there cares, but I do. This community does. I know it sounds cliche sometimes to hear that being said by a stranger, but it doesn’t make it less true.
Has something happened between you and your friend to make you feel like you’re an annoyance to them?

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I’m glad you’re here with us. Would a little thought exercise help you?

  1. You say that you’ve been in a bad headspace
    -what does that mean for you? Things have been rough emotionally? Things have been harder to do or get done mentally?
  2. If you know you are in a bad headspace, then you know that perhaps your perception of some things have been skewed by your emotions, or brain chems, etc.
  3. if you know this, then you can prob imagine that the thoughts that are being super loud right now (for example, that no-one cares, and that no-one would miss you) and the products of that skewed way of thinking
  4. if this is all true, then you know when you return to a better headspace, that your thoughts will be more positive and that you will believe it a bit more than you are loved and appreciated.

Not sure if this helps, but I wanted to share it with you, to offer a bit of hope that with time, with support, things will get a bit better, and that the present headspace may not be permanent and will improve shortly. You matter, and you’re loved!

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“If you are feeling low, or trampled, unappreciated, or forgotten…and you are reading this, realize it is an illusion…the hope is real…you are valued…and what lies ahead…is brilliance.”

Hello there Andy,

Thank you for landing here at the HeartSupport Wall. I am glad that we can come alongside you and support you through this moment in your life. I know how it feels to be in bad head space and I wish I could give you a hug right now if you don’t like hugs…I would give you a solid fist bump with some tea and a listening ear.

Life can be a struggle, but it can also be amazing. I hope that you get to the other side of all of these emotions and have some peace. You are capable of so many things and I hope you get to see that about yourself.

You are valid. You are strong. You are important. You matter.

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hey Andy, I am sorry that you have been having a bad few days, I am sure it doesnt feel good to pass a cold onto your sister however it really isnt your fault, germs travel and it cant be helped but now you are better perhaps you can be of help to your sister a bit, maker her a drink sometimes or some soup perhaps, let her know that she too is loved and valued as are you. I know you say you dont feel it but you do know that all of us at heartsupport are always here to support you and do care about you. I hope you feel better in your head soon and that with help from you, your sister soon recovers too. Much Love Lisa x

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From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hi Andy, thank you for coming and posting. I know Twitch chat was pretty busy when you were there today. I’m sorry that your sister is sick, it’s really hard to be careful when you are sick not to spread germs because you are contagious before you even get the symptoms, so it’s kind of impossible to know you’re sick. I’m glad she is feeling better now. So, I hope you aren’t being too hard on yourself for that.

Remember that we care about you here. We don’t think you are annoying and we would very much miss you if you left Twitch 100%. ~Mystrose

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From: Taladien

Hey Andy,

The fact that you know you are in a bad headspace is already a good sign that you know the negative feelings and emotions you are going through right now is not the truth of it. You know people care deeply about you; in this community, and outside of the internet. Your mind and emotions may try to tell you otherwise, and it’s OK to feel like that is a struggle. And I can say for certain, you would be missed if you left the Twitch community. Your are known and loved here.

It’s never fun when sicknesses get passed around. Be it the one to happened to pass it on, or the one who received it. But that is part of living on this planet. I -highly- doubt that you went out one day with the intention of catching something and then passing it on to your sister. Don’t beat yourself up because this planet decided that viruses and bacteria picked us as hosts. Just be the best brother you can be :slight_smile:

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From: twixremix

hey andy,

you’re going through a lot right now and i’m so sorry you have to shoulder this pain. i’m glad you could come to this forum thought and receive support from people who love, support, and encourage you. there have been days in my life where i felt this way you’re feeling as well and i can confidently say that those thoughts were not grounded to reality. i had those negative thoughts because my mind was playing tricks on me during depressive episodes or when i was hungry/tired. if your claims are true that no one cares about you or would miss you, then your fellow members of this incredible forum wouldn’t be lifting you up as they are now. you matter so much to me, this community, and this world, and i know that this feeling will pass. these thoughts most likely will return but i promise that you are not an annoyance or someone that no one cares about. you are valued and loved, so please never forget that.

when it comes to your sister, the best thing you can do for her is to make sure she is taken care of. i feel that same guilt when i make my brother or parents sick, so i totally understand you. so during these tough times, bring your sister a fresh glass of water, warm blankets, maybe even a snack that’s easy on her stomach, and care for her as you’d like to be cared for if you were very ill like her. wishing you and the fam an awesome week ahead, my friend, i’m so glad you’re here in all of our lives.

love,
twix

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From: eloquentpetrichor

Hey, friend! I saw you say this in Twitch stream today and I wasn’t sure what to respond with but I see you and I saw you :hrtlegolove:

I would miss seeing you around streams if you stopped coming around and I know your absence would be felt here as well if you stopped posting. You matter in this community and I know we do not see you as an annoyance. Why do you feel like you have become an annoyance to people in your life? Has something happened?

I understand feeling bad about getting your sister sick. I always feel bad when I get others sick as well. That has been my biggest fear during the pandemic is getting someone else sick. But the truth is that we cannot control if we get others sick or not especially when you live with people. No matter how careful you are you will always being sharing germs with those you spend time with and there is no way to stop it from happening. You both have to live your lives and hope for the best. I’m glad she is doing better and I hope you will be able to see that it isn’t truly your fault that she got sick and forgive yourself for something you couldn’t control.

You are important and you are a good sibling to your sister that you care about her well being. I hope you feel better :hrtlegolove:

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I deeply appreciate all of your replies I greatly appreciate it I’m going to answer some questions that I read here.

Has something happened? No just got some vibes. Could have been the wrong vibes, but ya know it’s really hard not to pick up those vibes. I also feel like I’ve just been annoying people with my feelings. People have complained to me bfor that I’m never happy and it’s annoying to them…

What do I mean when I say in a bad headspace? Just haven’t been very cheerful and just feeling like I’m alone… Things have definitely been rough emotionally… I’ve been having so many issues with my anxiety lately and I feel guilty about it on top of that…

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I can relate to feeling like you’re being annoying to people around you, maybe they just don’t really know you that well and don’t understand what struggles you’re having. Sometimes people don’t understand that some negative talk comes from something deeper and it’s not easy to just switch it off.
That’s not your fault, it’s how you’re mind is focused and dealing with anxiety ect.
You don’t have to feel guilty for that. Your not trying to make anyone feel uncomfortable and I’m sure as hell that you don’t want to feel this way yourself! Has there been anything that’s helped you feel a bit easier with your anxiety? As in any self care or any hobbies?