Mental state, regrets, behind in life

So I kind of be feeling like an F-up as of lately. 3 years away from being 30 and I just got my first place and have 6 grand in my bank account. gross about 48k a year. My uncle was telling me stories of having a home paid off at 30-31 and I was getting super anxious. I can’t turn back the wheels of time and make better financial decisions, and I can’t change the fact that I had a lot of skewed views on life and some mental health problems. I can only go forward. if I could go back with the knowledge I have now I’d have a bomb-ass life with a house instead of a condo and my own indie game developed, and probably a cute GF. I also want to spawn a little demon someday, preferably don’t want to be raising a kid when I’m 60. Just have this terrible feeling that I’ve screwed up the beginning of my life which kind of fucks everything else up.

Been depressed since my mental health took a turn for the worse and I got kicked out of my parents for the final time permanently. I’ve begged to go back and told my parents all of my dark thoughts and wanting to become an alcoholic and stuff and they pretty much don’t wanna budge, I’ve hurt them too much this time with my outbreaks. Now I’m doing my best to just not lose what I have saved up. Pushing myself to work overtime at my job and keeping my spending on a minimum, wanting to study for a better job but the overtime just sucks away all my enthusiasm to study. It’s the first time it’s been offered in a while tho.


I like your thought of “I can only go forward” … I work in IT … prototype machines for an IT Company… I bricked a machine the otherday, my first one… my boss handled it really cool that changed the way I view things…

he said, ‘this will happen, just tell us so we have the best chance troubleshooting this… walk us through what what you did, didnt do’

what this positioin really taught me is if you want a different result you have to do something different(maybe… or anything is possible… maybe its just doing the same thing and getting a diffrent result…the result is the key)… There is Hope, There is a bigger game and even though I flashed firmware many times on this chip… try again and again because just maybe and most likely 1 bit didnt flash correctly… so try, try and try again… because prototype stuff is not like prod stuff… my personal struggle…ahahaha


Hey @LostWanderer1,

Thank you so much for sharing all of this. It’s no breaking news to say that regrets are part of life, that we all feel that at some point and one way or another, but it’s still really hard once we are facing them. You had your share of struggles as it seems. Being depressed itself is enough for someone to feel out of life and out of this world. But you are not giving up, and that is something you can be proud of. The past can’t be changed, as you said. Yet regrets give us a direction, something closer to the person we aspire to be. We have the possibility to learn from them and try differently.

Your life is not wasted because the beginning was difficult though. I know it will sound cheesy to read that, but as long as you are here, then there’s always a possibility to try again, to try differently, and to reinvent yourself. Your life is not written already because of your past. A lot can happen just in one year, and it’s up to us to look after the good opportunities that could arise.

I don’t know if you ever heard this, but I’m really proud of you for not giving up and for your perseverance through these hardships. I know firsthand how difficult it is to keep moving when we feel depressed and have dark thoughts spiraling in our mind. It doesn’t define you though, it doesn’t condition your future, and it’s not going to defeat you. You can only go forward indeed, and that is a very, very powerful statement, friend.

On a different note, have you ever considered to give a try to therapy? I’m asking because it sounds that you’ve been fighting for a long time on your own, yet you deserve to be supported as much as you need, whether it’s for your anxiety regarding your situation, or the fact that you are depressed. These are very valid reasons to seek professional help. It could be a real crutch to you and give you some relief. Just a possibility to eventually consider in order to navigate through this season of your life. There are brighter days ahead, which starts by building their foundation in the present moment. :hrtlegolove:


This won’t be the thing that fixes your depression, but congratulations on the financial security you have achieved! Like @Micro said, regrets are part of life, but they teach us and set us on a different path.

The majority of Americans can’t even spare $400 for an emergency. You have $6k. Dave Ramsey et. al. say you should have 1 month’s net income saved up for an emergency. You have 1.5 months’ gross saved, and that’s huge!

Your uncle’s situations were way different. For one thing, the housing market was a lot friendlier back in his day. Then there’s school, the sky-high state of anxiety people our age live in, on and on…don’t compare yourself to your uncle. His life was entirely different than yours.

You’re not “3 years away from 30,” you’re 27. You’re in your late-mid 20s. 3 years away is still over 10% of your life you haven’t lived yet! You’ve done a lot! At 27 I felt the same way you do, but feeling and knowing are two different things, and as much as I felt like a screw-up, I knew I was doing well. Focus on that. I had a house and that level of income, but I don’t think I had any savings. Maybe you’re not “crushing it” by your standards, but you’re succeeding objectively, and a lot of your peers would say you’re crushing it. How many people your age (not your uncle) are honestly doing better than you? How many people do you know who have houses paid off? By now I’m sure you know people that have gotten married and spawned little demons. I’d guess their houses are not “bomb-ass,” and I’ll bet that as happy as they are with their families, they’re exhausted, and wish they could trade places with you for just a day. The grass is always greener.

You can play the What-If game all day long. You are right, you can only go forward, and you can go forward armed with the what-if questions to make sure you don’t miss out on shit again. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and had a lot of “learning experiences” in my life, but the only things I regret are the things I didn’t do, and armed with that knowledge, the first thing I ask of every decision I’m faced with is “will I regret it if I don’t do it?” If I could go back with the knowledge…I’d have applied to an Ivy League school, but then again I probably would have been a C student in high school because I’d have known it was all bullshit. I probably would have still dropped out anyhow, I think that was just what I was meant to do. I’d have been bolder and dated a lot more women, but I wouldn’t have appreciated the special relationships I did have, even if most of them did end badly. I’d have kept my condo, but that would have stunted my dreams of creating a nicer homestead with my wife. I’ll be honest, these things haunt my feelings, but rationally I know that the path I’m on is the right way to somewhere.

 Left-right-left, right-left-wrong
 I don't know where I'm going, but I just keep moving on.

 If I could go back now and save myself the loss,
 Substanceless character brought back would be the cost.

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