Mental struggles and thank you Kit @Kitboga

I’ll try and keep it short. I’ve been struggling with mental health issues my entire life to the point of not wanting to be alive and actually trying not to be.
I finally got diagnosed with autism a few years ago and ADHD a few months ago. I also struggle with dissociation and other trauma symptoms as well and they get really scary and I just feel broken all the time.
Things are a bit better but life still gets real dark for me and I still can’t see myself as someone that matters and I struggle to see myself as something other than a waste of space.
Your streams and videos have literally kept me alive and the fact that you and every stream and every video with the words ‘you matter’ hits me in the heart every single time.
So just thank you, to you, Kit, and everyone around you.
I will never like myself and I will never like life, but I really want to help other people not feel this way. I’ve always felt so alone and I don’t want people to feel so alone.

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Hey hun,
I’ve typed out and erased my reply so many times.
I’m proud of you for not giving up.

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From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hi @MeCathy I’m sorry you are having feelings of not mattering, because you do. you are also loved ~Mystrose

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, Thank you for your post, Im so sorry you have that struggle for such a long time, its not fair and it breaks my heart that you have had times that you have had moments that you have not wanted to be alive. I dont have a lot of experience with the disorders that you have but I can imagine it is so very hard for you, I really wanted to tell you that I would like you to know that kit is so right, you and I mean you are very very important in this life, you are so special, you truly are valuable and yes You Matter. Take care my friend. much Love Lisa x

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From: eloquentpetrichor

Hello, MeCathy! Welcome to the forum! I’m so glad you have joined :hrtlegolove:

I’m sorry you are dealing with all of these dark thoughts. You are an awesome person for wanting to help others even when you are not feeling your best. I’m so happy you are here and I hope to continue seeing you around. You matter. You matter so much :hrtlegolove:

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Hello there,

That you can have the intent and instinct to help others to not feel the way you do, is amazingly beautiful. That you want to help others not feel alone is so touching, even in the depths of your own struggles.

Just one little question - you were diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago, did that help you in any way? Did it help you to put a name to some of what you experience?

It’s heartbreaking when our minds cause so many scary things to appear to be real. BUTTT :

you want to help us here, you want to make it better/easier/less alone for others. THAT by itself, if nothing else, has claimed a bit of useful space for yourself. You literally can’t be a waste of space if you want to help others, it’s just impossible. So I hope you can begin to see, even if it’s three square inches where your feet touch the ground, that that space has value by virtue of you being you.

I look forward to seeing you around here. I hope it’s okay if we like you here!

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I’m so sorry for the late reply. Thank you so much for your kind words though, these replies really mean a lot to me.
My ADHD diagnosis did help me put a name to things and me being able to understand why certain stuff is difficult for me and that my brain is just working differently from most other people. I got my autism diagnosis a few years back but it never completely fit, but in combination with ADHD it explains all the things that bothered me but didn’t fit into autism.
It’s still hard for me to truly accept it though and I have a lot of fights in my head with myself about a lot of things. There’s a lot of things I really wish I could do and even though I can understand now why some things I can probably never do, I still feel like I should be able to. Like replying to messages in time.

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hey again,

just wanted to check in and see how you were doing.

Would it help if you made a sort of visual poster or a post here even with a list of positives about yourself? It can get hard when we focus on the things about ourselves we wish could change, and we tend to overlook or minimize the good traits and facets of our personality. It’s always nice to be able to tell ourselves that we love the person that we are right now, even if there are improvements to make, or new skills to learn, etc.

I do hope that we can help you not feel so alone, because we do care about you a lot! We see you, friend, and I’m glad you’re part of the community :slight_smile:

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