Hey @Andy, thank you for coming here to share. I hope getting all this out has already begun to help ease your tensions a little. I can definitely understand why you’re feeling exhausted, any of those things on their own would be draining. I feel for you friend.
Firstly, I hope you don’t feel too bad about having off days. On days like that you just can’t be expected to operate like you’re at 100%, that would be a silly pressure to put on you. I want to reassure you that that definitely doesn’t make you lazy, it makes you human. It sounds like you’re doing your best to cope in trying times, and that’s something nobody can fault you for. I don’t know what your financial situation at home is like, but it’s no excuse for your dad or anyone else to vent their frustrations at you. I hope you know that’s not okay, and that you aren’t beating yourself up over it. It’s not your fault.
The anxiety you’re describing sounds really hard. Particularly when it impedes on your sleep, that can make life much harder. There’s so much on your plate right now, I hope you’re giving yourself the space to do things that help you unwind too – that’s really important. If the situation at home is too stressful, is there anywhere else you feel comfortable spending time so that you can take a breather every now and then? Even a short walk might be enough to help sometimes. Besides physically going elsewhere, are there things you do at home that you like to do to help you relax? I can help you come up with ideas if you’d like.
When I’m really stressed I sometimes set a timer for 5 or maybe 10 minutes, and I tell myself that I’m going to take a break from my anxieties and come back to them once the time is up. Then I’ll dance like a goofball to music or do a puzzle, or something like that. It sounds silly, but it works for me and so it’s possible it could help you too. When it’s such a short period of time it’s much easier to convince yourself to put the worries aside, just for now. Of course, some more potent techniques might be required when you’re experiencing anxiety attacks. For those, the best thing you can do is try to get out of your head and interrupt the anxiety spiral. One way of doing this is called grounding. You might already be familiar with that term. The short version of it is that sometimes you can put a stopper on an anxious loop by diverting your attention to your senses, generally focusing on how things look, feel, and sound around you and trying to fill your mind with more neutral, non-judgment-based thoughts about what you’re sensing. It’s generally more effective the earlier in a spiral you apply it. If you’d like, I’d be happy to elaborate more about that and give some examples. If you’d like other ideas for curbing anxiety, we can talk about that too. Just let me know.
I’m really happy to hear you got some reassuring news from your friend. It’s got to be hard not being able to see them, and it’s especially hard to watch the people you care about going through a hard time. Just try to remember that this won’t be forever, okay? Sometimes we can focus in on things like this so tightly that it feels like there’s nothing else and there’s no way out. It might take a little bit of work for some of it, but things can get better. It’ll be okay, and we’ll be here to help you through it too.
I hope this reply helps you in some way, I mostly just want to let you know that you’re not alone. We see you and we care. Lots of us here have come out the other end of hard times, so we have some tricks up our sleeves to make it easier. If you want to talk more about anything, please don’t hesitate to say whatever’s on your mind. You’ve got this, friend.