Messy, Broke & Overweight Mom

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There is absolutely no denying whatsoever how difficult a place you are in at the moment and yet you would get a lot more understanding, help and sympathy if you were a drug addict or an alcoholic. For starters if you have a weight problem it is automatically because you are greedy or lazy and if then you don’t fix it you are unmotivated, greedy and lazy. I wish I could give you a big hug right now as I feel like I know you. This struggle is real, it is so difficult it makes you feel useless. You are NOT useless, you like many other are stuck and its bloody hard to get out of that whole circle I feel mentally bad because my home is a mess, I do housework and it makes me feel physically bad so I have to stop, I feel mentally bad because I have stopped, I talk to my husband and he just doesn’t understand after all if you want something to happen you just have to do it right?? If only life were so simple. I am in a very similar situation to you, my home is a mess, I cannot do very much now due to pain so it is very hard to watch things just sitting there and I was given the advice to just “put things away when you have finished with them” brilliant I thought! However, after the tenth time of dropping something and bending to pick something up, you kind of stop caring if its in the right place or not until you look around to see the mess. The way I try to do things now is I aim for a one or two jobs a day depending on what they are and I put no pressure on myself to do more than that. If something is spread around that I want in one place a bin bag comes out and I go around and put everything in that bag that I need and then sort it sitting down in one place, then I go for another bag. I think when you are trying to do as much as you can and not hurt you find ways to adapt. It is hard to talk about having the real will to make changes because it has to be there and if you know that feeling then you know what I am talking about, You can think and be told to eat well and work out for so long but unless that feeling clicks and it all just falls into place it won’t happen, food is as much a crutch as any other it just happens to not be illegal and a lot easier to come by. I wish your husband was more understanding, it is very sad to me that he cannot see the sadness and if he can and still chooses to ignore it then it is even more disappointing and in your position I would be inclined to spend more time focusing on myself, look for help perhaps from my gp who could possibly find me a nutritionist and or therapist and help myself both mentally and physically to learn to love rather than hate yourself as that would go a massive way to you moving forward, once you believe you deserve it, you are part way there.
None of this of course changes your life and how you feel other than I want you to know that you truly are not alone in this, I do know how hard it is and I wish you nothing but the very best. I also would love an update at some point however you are doing. Take special care. Lisa. X

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Hey @ADHDorDepression,

It’s okay to feel like that! The amount of times I’ve attempted to reorganize and clean my music area only to find it needs more work sometimes i just wanna be like “screw it, i’ll do it later”. That doesn’t make us lazy. We go through a plan of what we want to do and if there’s any deviation from that plan, it can 100% throw us off. Happens to me all the time.

I definitely agree with @Lisalovesfeathers in terms of focusing on one or two jobs a day. There’s no need to put unneeded and unwanted stress on ourselves for no reason. Especially since your husband isn’t really being too supportive either. I could never ever do that! If my fiance needs help with something I’m always willing to help, whether it be cleaning, helping bring groceries in, you name it. Marriage is a partnership, which means you help each other no matter what.

Just remember, one day, one task at a time, and you’ve got this <3

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Hi there,

Welcome to our community and thank you for sharing.
I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this.
Sometimes it happens that we want to do something but then other things appear and it can feel overwhelming when there are so many things to look at the same time, and it makes it way harder to focus on the initial task. But trying it shows that you really want to get it done and it doesn’t mean you are lazy, it just happens to be drained out when we don’t get enough support.
I understand that asking for help isn’t that nice, but if the kids are available to help, then i don’t think it’s wrong if they can do it from time to time, in this way they can learn how to be more responsible as they grow up.
Im really sorry that your husband doesn’t help you and just blames you. It’s always easier to point things out while watching from the edge.
You are a good human and a good mom for caring so much, and if you could just be more understood than your anger with yourself would alleviate maybe.
Take things slow, you’ve got this!
I wish you the best!

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Hi Friend,

Welcome to HeartSupport! Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing with us about how you have been feeling. It takes a lot to open up like this and to be so transparent. I can resonate with portions of what you have shared. I too have struggles with my weight, confidence, and body image, and I also struggle greatly with my finances. I understand how overwhelming it can be when we envision the way we wish we were and the way we want things to be compared to the reality of the way that they are. And sometimes people’s “Just do it” attitude can only make us feel worse, like we are failing in our efforts to improve. But in response to their Just do it nature is another saying “It’s easier said than done”. People don’t always know or understand all the underlying factors of just doing it can be so difficult to achieve sometimes. So I’d most likely just like to use my response to acknowledge the way that you feel and let you know that 1) you are not alone, and 2) the way that you feel is understood and valid.

I also want to encourage and let you know that you are trying and that is amazing, because trying is more than half the battle. Self-improvement is a process and that process does not always happen in a straight line, it is up and down. But it can be done.

I’m sorry to hear about everything you are juggling and going through currently. You have a lot on your plate right now, and you are doing the best that you can do, and that alone is enough. :white_heart:

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